silver4's Diaryland Diary

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Dad day

The party last night was fun. I miss hanging with those boys. A lot of the guys were dressed as nerds, a lot of the girls were dressed as school girls in those plaid skirts. I had some little shorts on that said "university" and wore my PE shirt from middle school... And people loved it! It was actually a last minute shirt switch, I was wearing a plain white tank at first, and then it crossed my mind that I had that top, so I rushed to switch it up.

I hadn't had so much beer in a long time. Lately I just drink wine. For proper etiquette I brought a 12- pack, but of course they had more than enough, the place is a damn bachelor pad! I had maybe six beers and a lot of Doritos. I feel kinda gross on the chips (of all things), because I usually don't eat chips, but I wanted to eat something with the alcohol. That and those little salad tomatoes. Yeah..totally absorbed the alcohol. I got hit on pretty hard by one guy who was making all these weird sexual innuendos that it seemed like he thought I wasn't clever enough to catch. He was also obsessed with my body and kept telling me what great shape I was in. And he drunkenly told me of other exercises I could do to stay in shape, but he was actually in the worst shape of everybody in the party. It's here were maybe 30 people or so. He had a huge belly and was stocky with minimal, if any, muscle. Interesting that he found it appropriate to give me workout tips. He also found a few moments to get deep in conversation with me about who knows what, and as amusing as it was that he thought I was intrigued and interested in his drunken babble, I seriously wanted to be taken away. Eventually after sooo many wide eyed glances at one couple of friends, the girl sent her bf over and he asked me to play pool with him. Poor drunk guy was left to babble alone. Then I played pool with this other guy who seemed interested in me but kept forgetting my name (although it was written in marker on my PE shirt). I suck at pool in general, but six beers later I can barely hit the white ball, so I totally lost, which he thought I was faking. I am not that good of an actress. I actually get better at bowling the more I drink though... In the end, he asked for my number, and I was kind enough to share it with him. Then the drunk weird guy tried to get me as I was leaving and he was trying to get my number too, and my friend, my dear savior who had invited me to the party, he came around and walked me to my car. I love that boy. He is the best, neutral guy friend that I have. He is attractive but we have no interest in one another. We will jokingly flirt with one another, and we both shared the doctor thing for a while, until he dropped optometry school, but we are awesome together. His family loves me, too, and we have a decent amount in common; hell, we've known eachother for over 15 years. I love him, and I hope I don't kick myself in the ass a few years from now reading back on this, but I am assuming and hoping that we never cross any lines that could negatively affect our friendship. I am so sappy right now hah.. I am just happy to have a genuine guy friend who I have never slept with, nor have either of us tried to get on eachother, even in our drunkest of moments. And we have great talks, and we have gone out just the two of us to dinner and drinking. I could be completely oblivious though, too, and maybe those dinner invites could have been something more on his end, but I swear I have never felt him hitting on me. I could be wrong though and that naive girl who thinks it is sooo great to have a neutral guy friend, when in reality it was a failed attempt on his end. Whatever, who knows? Well...he would know. But I don't think I am his type. Whatever and whoever we are now is awesome, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I got home around 3 I think, and got a text around 4:45 from AV telling me that she was in the hospital, getting close to delivering her baby, and that the hubby would text me when he arrived. No update yet. I am excited to go see them though. Hopefully it is today, out of convenience, because I don't work today haha...

Ugh I am getting IMmed from my friend who just got dumped and finds it appropriate to talk to me now, all the time. Whereas before, when she was in the relationship, we barely spoke (of which I am indifferent; I know how relationships work).. But now that she is alone and lonely, she turns to single little me, in hopes that I commiserate and empathize and side with her. Not entirely my thing. I think for me it is weird because when I had emotional issues with R sometime in 2009, and tried to talk it out with her or other girl friends, they all just kinda brushed it off. I don't hold it against them, but it was seriously a difficult time for me, and it was affecting my schooling and my focus and attention. It sucks because I truly did love him, and we were such a mess. He was such an ass towards me, and then he was loving and affectionate. I had a whirlwind of a "friendship" with him, and my immediate friends either wouldn't acknowledge the issue, or I couldn't talk to them about it (M couldn't stand hearing about any other guy, although he was engaged and later married!), or they were just oblivious or unconcerned with the fact that I had real emotions, and I, too, deserved a chance to let my shit out and be heard just like them. I may be outwardly the toughest girl in terms of never showing emotions, but I can crack, and I have done it, and I deserve to have someone be as good a friend to me as I have been to them. But it just doesn't work that way, there is no reciprocation. I'm just too good at my job of being a friend hah..

Ok I'm sleepy still. I either need to make coffee and hit the gym or take another hour to rest and then coffee and gym.

Happy father's day!

7:18 a.m. - 2012-06-17

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