silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ahh weekend He is afraid, as evidenced by my past, that I could end the relationship and basically go on about my day. That I wouldn't be hurt nor affected in any way whatsoever by the fracture, that I would be fine and be capable of easily going on with my life. We had an argument..not about that, but it factored in. A long, stupid argument that I tried to cut down several times and move past, but he was determined to keep it going. It lasted about two hours. He is correct: I could move on and be fine. If it ended tomorrow, I would be okay. I have made myself that way. Am I proud? Not necessarily. But I am not weak, I will not fall apart if we break up. Did I tell him that? "No, baby. I would be devastated if we broke up. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I would be so hurt" blah blah blah. Partially true. And partially "I'm a grown ass woman who can make it through a break up". But I have to be nice to him. He's very in touch with his emotions, he has gone through therapy/counseling to help him with certain things and to grow and become stronger of a person. And I am aware of my emotions, but I do not make decisions based on them. Sometimes it is too much for me, the way he says things and it's like an attack, or like I am at fault for not telling him how I feel all the time or something. Hard to explain. But he gets so whiny, and I am so indifferent, and it upsets him. Upsets him enough for him to make a two minute argument last for two hours, saying that I need to communicate better with him. But it isn't a thing of communication. He says something stupid, he knows what he said is stupid. So instead of me engaging in a battle of words with him, in which he has in the past proven to me that he won't use reason or logic or common sense, and will always negate the things I say and be like "ohh..yeah...sure.." putting me down basically...instead of setting myself up for another one of his condescending moments of "communication", I just shut up and ignore it, and switch subjects. And I told him before that I don't like when he talks to me like that, condescending and as if my opinions are completely invalid, and i defend myself. It's great. He is definitely a douche sometimes. Not that I am never at fault. I will admit when I am wrong, and I will apologize. He's just sooo damn difficult! Anyways. I worked earlier this week at the new place. It was nice but they are kinda run around crazy. I don't want crazy. I want a smooth running system. I don't want to be jerked around from one room to another to another, being extra sugary sweet to patients treating them like gods instead of normal people. I care about and for my patients, but I dont treat them like they can have absolutely anything they want. I am rational and reasonable. And I think they like me as I am. There's a reason I get tons of hugs and people seeking me out, and it's not because I coddle them. I treat them with respect and talk to them like they are my friends/family. Some of them feel like friends. So I'm kinda torn on whether or not I want to work at that place. I have time to decide though. I've planned out our trip to Hawaii, for myself and DW. We are gonna go in November and be back for thanksgiving, in which apparently we are supposed to meet the families?? Do I really want that yet? Who knows. I don't even want to do my own thanksgivings. Hawaii should be good though. M's parents have a condo out there that they will rent to us. Also going to SF next month for the ADA annual session, but mostly to just meet up with people. I love traveling and just getting away. Alright time to get away to the gym. My lazy ass is just..ugh. Lazy. My friend MJ is in town, so I have to meet up with him at some point. That's a positive and negative for having made so many friends in dental school and for living in Vegas. Everyone comes to Vegas to party, and the ones who feel up to some local company always hit me up. I have only one open weekend this month without visitors...that I know of. It always happens. Yay summers in Vegas. Or actually the season doesn't matter. Yay Vegas. 10:00 a.m. - 2012-09-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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