silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Explorer I wake up around 2-3 a.m. after going to sleep around 10 or 11. It's like standard for me. I am completely tired when I go to bed, I don't think about taking a sleeping pill, then I awaken at 2 and kick myself in the ass. I tell myself that I can fight it and fall right back asleep. Nights like tonight, I give in around 4 and take a pill, and hope for the best. I have nothing to do tomorrow, thanks to my awesome job closing on Wednesdays now. I can stay in bed all hours of the day if so desired. Except I don't. I would rather be productive. I am not a fan of this sleeplessness. Seriously. It makes my mind wander. I get sad and depressed and lonely. The worst loneliness is when I am with someone, with DW. The guy is great, but he doesn't offer to me what I offer to him. Which is okay, I guess; I don't really need emotional accompaniment. Maybe it was seeing R for fifteen minutes a couple weeks ago, maybe it is his recent cameos in my dreams. Maybe it's the longing for anything more than I have, or for something I used to have. Maybe all these pillows just aren't comforting enough. Maybe I miss being held as I sleep. Maybe there are a lot of things missing now. Maybe I just need to get over it all. Too much on my mind. I wish it were all so much more simple. This pill needs to kick in. 4:35 a.m. - 2012-10-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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