silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Morning thoughts I'm not sure about the other people in my school crew, but I am mostly fine with our arrangement of an annual trip. Somehow, I just happen to see some of them at other events, like dental meetings, weddings, whatever random stuff comes up. I was talking to R maybe two weeks ago and he wanted us all to come down to Texas and visit him soon, make it a semi annual trip. We are a good traveling bunch, I love that about us. So I said sure to it. Looks like a Texas trip is imminent then in February, although I am also going in two weeks for a course (last course for a while, I promise). I tell DW when I have all these lectures and diversions I fly away to. He is fine with it. However, I do not think he would be as fine with the diversions if he knew of my history with R. I somehow forget to mention that to him? I wonder what exactly I am trying to protect. My friendship with R? My relationship with DW? A better question would be which one am I attempting to hide from the other? Because just as DW doesn't know anything about R, I haven't mentioned a word to R about DW. I will most likely get in trouble with DW whenever I do tell him about R. Not that anything has happened within the last couple years, but our past is heavy enough of an obstacle to overlook. DW wants all my truths. I cannot tell him that I loved R and spent countless nights by his side, that he was my comfort and my challenge at the same time, that with my love came a hate, that we were connected by something deeper than any romantic relationship I have ever had, inclusive. I could see DW exploding at the honest description of our friendship. And then to say that I am flying out to see him, stay at his place, get drunk and stupid like we have always done in the past, but don't worry sweetie, nothing will happen we are just friends? I can already sense the fight. Hence I keep R to myself, just as I have kept DW to myself. Oh but DW isn't completely hidden. My main friends know about him, all my friends here and the girls of the crew. M knows, anyone I talk to regularly knows. Just not the one person who should be told... meh, maybe he knows by hearsay at this point. Ahhh relationships. Love is such a tricky emotion. 7:50 a.m. - 2012-11-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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