silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Houston I'm in Houston, got in last night. Had a class today, it was nice, ended early so I went and bought a bottle of Pinot Grigio to keep me company. I texted R when I got here. He lives in Dallas, which is a four hour drive apparently according to some lady in my class who came from there. I didn't expect to see him or anything, I just told him that I feel closer to him at the moment. Still trying to figure out whether or not we will be meeting up early next year for nonsense. He told me to force people to come..as if I have that power. I barely talk to the guys, I mostly talk to JK because she is my girl, my only real friend from that group. Everyone else, including R, is kind of a relationship that depends on what they want it to be, when they want it. Even if it's just JK and me going to Dallas to meet up with him, that's fine enough by me. Sometimes I enjoy a smaller crowd, with people I actually like to spend time with. Namely, just JK. I do feel like any time I spend time with R, it is potentially dangerous. But I don't seem to care. I guess I am heartless. I should order room service. I wonder if they have nachos. Okay. No nachos. But I ordered shrimp cocktail and Mac and cheese. Odd combo, but I believe it will be delicious. Anyways. Sometimes I hate that DW has absolutely nothing to say to me. I can have a solid, fulfilling conversation with some other guys, but trying to talk to him is at times like pulling teeth. Difficult teeth, not the easy ones ;) I'm not even trying to say much or get much out of him. I haven't seen him in two weeks, and our text conversations are often initiated by me, and his replies consist of a superficial yes and blah blah blahs. I am reaching for something, I'm alone in another state, and I am just asking him to talk to me. I told him that I was lonely and that I wanted him to tell me something, anything of an update on him, anything to entertain me for a moment. He had nothing to say. Of course, I could just say he is a guy, blah blah blah. But you know what, sometimes a girl just wants her damn boyfriend to talk to her when she hasn't seen him in weeks and is in a different damn time zone by herself. So when he informed me that he was watching some game, I just left it alone. I tire of giving my all. I will keep to my damn self and enjoy my wine. And cable. I don't have cable at home, so mainly when I travel is when I get to watch incessant nonsense television. It isn't like he isn't picking up on hints. I am not dropping hints. I am being direct. I say I am lonely, please talk to me. I mentioned before I left that I wanted to meet up with him on Monday night and hang out after he got out of work. But I don't know. I don't care right now. I get in at midnight tomorrow night, and Monday at work will be shit as always, so I might be too tired to be the amazing, caring woman that I am. I do not intend to play any games, but I will leave this effort up to him. I might just want to be alone on Monday night for all I know. I fret too much. No need to concern myself with these things. I just want to feel a little bit of the love that I have been giving out too many times. I know he cares, but still. Anyways. Back to the wine. I think I will read instead of tend to the mindless television. Reading is better for the mind. 8:38 p.m. - 2012-12-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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