silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Casinos and dreams Blah. That's my world lately. I keep having stupid thoughts about guys from the not so distant past. I believe I think about them most when I am feeling some dissatisfaction or neglect from my current guy, or loneliness in general makes my mind wander. Anyways. That was last night. Mind you, I had also drank a little bit, actually very little (only two glasses of wine) but it hit me because I hadn't really eaten anything. So I worked in the office that takes me over an hour to get to yesterday. 70+ miles, something like that. I enjoy it there, the staff is fun and the patients are starting to latch on to me and request only me. As for now, I am only working there on Fridays. I was telling the patients prior to last week "oh, I'm just a temporary dentist, covering dr so and so's shift today," but since the office manager asked me to stay for a while on Fridays last week, now I can say yes I'll be there on Fridays if they want me. Sweet. I'm happy because the schedule is steady, the staff is fun, I get a lot of experience on procedures that I don't get to do at my main office since the nature of the practice leads me to just extract or fill. So I am kinda getting the variety of things, and there are a lot of patients who are able to accept treatment financially, and who come in right then wanting treatment done today. Sucks when time is a factor and I feel screwed and am rushing around, but it's the way it goes. Anyways, my point there actually is that they gave me my paycheck for the last few times I had worked, which I have been waiting for. I was checking the mail all week to see if they had sent it, because, truthfully I told myself that I could not buy another bottle of wine until I got a paycheck! So I was waiting for that one, and one from the place I worked at Wednesday last week, and am also due one from the main office. So I was twiddling my thumbs, awaiting three damn paychecks! They handed me that one and I was ecstatic, because I also have my student loans, car, and other random bills due right now, and although I have the funds for them in my accounts, I like to have something go in to replace it. I also had like $7 in my wallet, and I wanted a little more to work with...and I kinda wanted to play a few rounds of video poker.. I swear I am not addicted. I tell myself as long as I am having fun and that I don't get too pissed when I lose. And that supposedly I can only spend X amount and then I have to leave. So I went home to check the mail and see if check #2 was there, and it was, so I was happier. I went to the bank to drop those off and get $100 cash back, and went to the casino by my place, telling myself I could only spend $40. I ended up winning barely, like $50 up from what I spent, and I got my first glass of wine playing there. I left, happy but still in the mood to play, so I went to another casino maybe ten minutes away, played another $40 maybe, and voila! Won $500 on the same hand that I had won $1000 on a few weeks ago! But it was a different game, so it was less :( but still...yay! And I had grabbed the second glass of wine there, so that's when I started feeling loopy and thinking that I should quit while I was ahead and maybe get some food in me. I wandered the casino trying to finish my glass and to actually walk it off a little because I didn't want to drive like that yet. I don't know what brand it was, but the Cabernet there was pretty strong, and since both casinos belong to the same chain (called Station Casinos), it tasted like the same one. Anyways, I regained myself, and sat to finish a few more sips so as not to waste my free glass of wine, and played just a tiny bit more and won another $50. However, overall what I won vs what I spent came out to maybe $530. So yes, I spent more than the $40 I allowed myself, but I followed the rules that at least I was having fun. I play quarter games btw, so it's $1.25 a hand to play max credits, which can go pretty quickly. Umm... I'm wondering if I had a point here... I lost my train of thought. I left with over $600 so yay :) Blah blah blah, so I'm going to put $400 in the bank and maaaaaybe play a tiny bit today after I work out. But I'll leave $160 at home so I can't play it. I also have another rule that when I go to the cashout machines, when they give me $100 bills back, I can't break them. I am only allowed to use $20's or lower. I put too many rules on myself. But I know I have addicted tendencies (hello, alcohol! Well, when I was in d school mostly..I'm actually pretty lame with it now), so I do what I have to to prevent myself from doing something really really stupid. I have gone in a couple times with $100 and blew it with no return, so that's how you learn your lessons. Then I think about all the wine or groceries I could've bought, or how other people struggle so hard to just get $100 and here I am basically giving it away, that I might as well just hand it over to people, at least maybe I'd feel better than I do when I play and lose. I think about things like my car note, rent, infinite student loans, taxes... I am probably the most pensive $0.25 gambler in Vegas. But at least I don't blindly push the buttons. And the sad thing is, I see the money, say yay!, and then put it in the bank. Sad/responsible. Boring. Shuffle money to the respective accounts that need an extra boost, throw a little in different savings accounts, and in my main day-to-day debit account, I barely give myself anything to work with. Which is why I was waiting for some paychecks so I could buy wine. Which, I didn't even do yesterday. I am a such a slacker. Alright. Breakfast, bank, and gym. I also had a dream that DW and I were living together maybe, and I got mad at him for being stupid about something, and I left to take a walk. Somehow I came across some dogs who were really friendly to me who needed a home, the lady who had them was trying to give them away. Two of them were all over me. We walked back to the house, and I went to DW hesitantly because I was still mad at him and didn't really want to talk to him, but I wanted to see if he'd like to keep the dogs. He was in the bed and he outstretched his arms for me to come beside him, and I did, and before I could say what I wanted to say, he apologized for being such a dick and said he was just on edge or something. And then he mumbled how important I am to him and how much he loves me blah blah blah, and it turned into a proposal and he gave me a beautiful diamond ring and I was shocked and almost cried (but I am not very emotional, so I tried to cry just for show for him), and he put the ring on my finger. I kissed him and said yes, of course. And then I woke up. When I recount this dream to him today, I will tell him that we had a house and that there were two cute dogs. The end. Okay, time to start my day! 9:01 a.m. - 2013-01-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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