silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rant I don't get it. My mom calls yesterday, seeing if I work Monday, because she was talking to one of my sisters and trying to decide on doing lunch on Sunday or Monday. I say "yes, I work Monday, but you guys can go without me," like they are actually capable of doing something without me. Mom gets huffy, "you don't want to go?" "You guys don't NEED me to be there, you can do things without me." She doesn't take that wel, I said whatever Sunday is fine. Needless to say, she didn't call today to set anything up, because she rarely follows through with stuff. It becomes frustrating because although yes I love my family, they act like if I am not there, they can't do stuff. Mom will do lunch with just me, but if it's her and sis, they cancel unless I go too. And sis does the same, she asks if I am going to moms or dads, and if no, then she won't go either. I don't get it. It is like no one can pair up on their own, they want me to be there to facilitate things or something. And then I'm there and they focus on me instead of eachother, and it really really gets tiring. It gets worse with that sister though, she won't go to any family gathering unless I am planning on being there. She won't confirm stuff, she has to check with me first. It's like she is afraid of being around her own family. Mind you, she is two years older than me. Ever since we basically became adults, she has become more dependent on me. She feigns a lot of the confidence that she has, she lives in a very false fantasy world with minimal semblance of responsibility. It's crazy. So she just called me a few minutes ago (which fueled this rant), and said she was gonna call our dad but she wanted to call me first to see if he was doing anything, if anything was going on with him, so she could be prepared on whether or not to call him...? What?? A couple weeks ago too, she had texted me, asking if I talked to him before she should call him, to see if I knew what he was up to or so. She can't just call him on her own and find out?? She is always afraid or something. I really don't get it. He's your dad. Just call and say hi. It's not that tough. If he says he is busy, well there is your answer. Actually, she had called me but I ignored it at first, then called her back like an hour later, because she always calls me when she is driving and thus yelling at cars, or at the grocery store and distracted and talking to other people, or she is walking into work and again distracted and talking to other people. So I ignore her calls sometimes because I don't like to sit there holding the phone as she is talkin to others and I'm just a decoy for her popularity or something. So she had called me, I didn't answer, and by the time I called she still hadnt called our dad because she wanted to check with me first??? It was nice being away, living in San Francisco. People didnt request my presence before they could show face among family. I enjoyed the peace I had. I don't get how I became the person who is supposed to know what everyone else is up to. I don't, unless they tell me. I hate being the middle man. Woman. Grr. I have my own stresses right now. A bunch. And nobody to really talk to aside from the voices in my head. I sometimes wish I had a puppy to love me. I swear that tiny little tortoise of mine isn't very comforting or loving. In fact, she just sits around sleeping all damn day, and adorably burrowing herself under rugs and boxes and whatever. I don't know how well a puppy would take to my tortoise though. My fear is one trying to eat her. I would be very saddened. On that note... Bleh. Back to the tv. I just need to accept that my family relies on me to be there so they can communicate with each other. Or something to that effect. Maybe I'm just being a bitch. It gets exhausting that it always happens. That sis also skipped our niece's 16th bday party 2 weeks ago, and texted me at the exact time it was to start, saying "say hi to everyone for me". Wtf say hi yourself! It's your sister's child. You have her number. Text or call her on your own. I am nobody's messenger. Stop fearing your family. Blah. Whatever. Reality. 6:20 p.m. - 2013-02-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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