silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cupid The weekend was busy. I worked Saturday for like 3 lame hours, but that's perfectly enough for me. Quick money. Went out for my aunt's birthday last night, a big party, and I drank way too much wine. Like maybe 8-10 glasses. Lost count around 3. But I was functional, but then today I was knocked out. Stayed in bed until maybe 12 or 1 pm, that was great. Actually, I had a massive headache for a decent amount of that time, but I just took ibuprofen and sleeping pills and hoped for the best. Anyways. Went on a date tonight, we were out for a decent amount of time actually. We met up at a tapas place at 4, and I just got home (10ish). We left the tapas place and went to some bar just to sit and snack and talk some more. I had recommended we leave the first place because there were a lot of patrons waiting. So blah, nice guy, good personality. College graduate, a bit of a science guy. Works in a hematology lab, does a lot of microbiology and chemistry stuff. Aspires to work in forensic science. There are pluses and minuses. Pluses are as aforementioned; has an education, job/career, goals. Minuses, well one mostly, I'm not really attracted to him. But then again, with DW, I wasn't all about him in the beginning either. Also a negative that really isn't an issue is just that he shares the same name of someone I already "dated", and I really don't like repeated names. Then again, maybe I should stop hooking up with people? Or don't ask for names?? Blah. Whatever. It's just dating. We might hang out tomorrow night as well. It was definitely easy to talk to him. He was shaking a little bit in the beginning, which is always fun to me. First dates are interesting, seeing how other people get nervous. Maybe it's because I interact with so many new people every day at work, I feel zero nervousness, zero intimidation at all on dates. Nobody scares me. As a person in general, not related to work or dates or anything, I just don't feel unnecessary fear. I am super calm and I put others at ease, so if anything I am a beneficial person to date for practice, I guess. Good for other people. I don't know if my heart is in it. I am trying though. I feel nothing towards DW. I know in the end it was the better decision. It is just unfortunate to spend time and care for a person, only to have to toss it aside a day later. I am a good person. I do good things. I also do stupid things. But I have a good heart, and my feelings are true. I don't toy with people's emotions. If I feel like a connection isn't there or is fading, I will not lead someone on. It is not worth it to hurt someone else like that. My thoughts are wandering. I am hungry. But yes. Nice guy. 35. Blah blah. I need someone older and semi settled and not into immature games. I wrote a list of what I want, or am looking for. Simple things, like wants to spend time together, treats me well, and doesn't act like a bitch about me not crying all the time and needing him to save the day, and not holding my confidence against me. Little things. So when I got home from the date, I looked at the list, which is posted in my kitchen. Maybe it is to keep myself aware of what I want, who I want, and why. And what I deserve, and who I deserve. I have my career more or less headed in the general direction I want it to be in. I now want to take proper time in finding an individual who is good to me, and strong enough in his own right to be able and willing to do what is needed to make a relationship work. My eyes are open, my heart is open, my mind is open. It is a process. But it is life. Wow I'm really hungry. Damn tapas place, such small servings. I wasn't super hungry at the time, but now my tummy is on point. Okay, hunting for food. Good night. 10:05 p.m. - 2013-04-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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