silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- June I haven't taken a sleeping pill all week. Go me! That does not necessarily mean I have or have not been sleeping well and fine. I feel about the same, but I think I dream more when I am not assisted. Meh. The father of one of my best friends had a heart attack yesterday and passed away today. She flew down here from Seattle to be with him and the family. They had him on ventilators and his heart was slowing and slowing. So sad. I don't have proper words for her, but I told her that I am here for her, day or night if she wants a friend. I had just seen him last month when she was in town. He had said "T, how are you? Haven't seen you in a long time. Your boobs have gotten bigger!" That did not seem very fatherly-appropriate to your daughter's best friend. But I still hugged him. I wish my personal life had as much going for it as my professional life does. I can direct my goals for work to head in a certain direction now, as is the purpose of all this crap I am doing to get the practice going. It's very straightforward; follow these rules, talk to these people, gain these contacts, blah blah blah, voila, open. Then try to get patients to come, but that's another story. Aim for a nice guy to come along and give me something, someone to look forward to, aaaand nothing. I don't want to deal with the dating sites again. Nothing against them, but it takes more energy than I would like to expend, and I really honestly hate telling new people what I do for a living. I am as vague as possible as long as I can get away with it ("ohhh I work in a dental office..."), but after a while, questions start flying and I have to say fuck it and cave in. Anyways, I don't care about that right now. I want to just meet someone out in the world, be attracted to one another, and the guy not be a douche. I still have my heart set on this CW guy, but I just can't read him and it may be a fruitless pursuit at this point. And I don't need a new guy friend. I have too many as it is. Not people I hang out with regularly, but I have them. It's annoying, and it is disheartening when I look at myself (not literally) and I just do not see any hope. I have plenty of hope for my career. It will take a ton of time, but I have already gotten this far, so fuck it, I can put in a lot more to make it right. Whatever. Just thinking. I could spare some of my work energy and give it to my love life energy, but I fear it would be a poor expenditure. I have more to say, about work mostly, because that is all I really have going for me these days. But I'm not in the mood. I will just keep reading. Oh, my latest listen is Passion Pit's newest album, Gossamer. I have had the album on my phone for months and I have only recently listened the whole album through, and I love their songs "love is greed" and "it's not my fault, I'm happy". Such an enthusiastic album, too. Okay. Bedtime 11:35 p.m. - 2013-06-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||