silver4's Diaryland Diary

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Ballerina

1) major accomplishment last night: I slept for 6 hours STRAIGHT, with NO sleeping pills. I had went to bed around 11:30 pm, and since I admittedly talk to myself, I said, "see you around 2 am!" Lo and behold, was I ridiculously surprised when I woke up just after 5:30, with no alarm. I sat there for a moment, and I thought "No shit! Did I just sleep on my own, and I didn't even wake up in the middle of the night??" Shit you not, I believe this is the first time in at least 3 years that I slept unassisted for an extended period of time. And yes, 6 hours is freakin unheard of in my world these days. So I was ecstatic. So that's that.

2) A patient and his wife called me around 7 pm tonight, to thank me for doing the hubby's partials (like a denture but not all the teeth). I didn't get to see them for the delivery yesterday, I asked my main assistant to adjust it because I was super bogged with other pts, so she did (hesitantly, although it takes two seconds to do but she was scared) and it was good. So I took his number at the end of the day and called and left a message checking on him, apologizing for not being there at the moment, and blah blah gave him my cell number to call with any questions/concerns. They called and are so happy with me and said that they have kids and grand kids who are going to come to me so I'm stuck w their whole family forever now. I laughed at them. Ahhh validation that I'm maybe doing something right. The guy said he loved how patient and professional that I am, and they don't want to go to anyone else, and will wait until I open up my office so they can start scheduling with me for the rest of the family. Happiness :)

That was much appreciated on my drive home from the far city job. I was tired, felt like crap, felt gross and in desperate need of a shower (which felt AMAZING when I took it). But sometimes you just need someone to tell you that you did a good job, and that little bit can make your day. Which is exactly why I tell the assistants at every office I work at "Great job! Good work today, team! You guys rock! You are amazing!" I tell them how awesome they are and I thank them for their hard work. It isn't fake at all, and I think it helps, just the little things, because sometimes their bosses (I'm just an associate/employee/stand-in/whatever) just don't say anything, or worse, they berate them and say that they should've done this or that better. So I am honored to tell them how fuckin awesome they are, even if they screwed up on something. I screw up all the time, and I learn. Okay...not all the time. But I learn every day, something new. And I feel it is my job to teach every day, something new. When I learn, the assistants learn, and the patients learn. Everyone gets a new wrinkle in their brains and a pat on their backs. I guess that's why the assistants say that they like to work with me, and the patients say they will follow me. Maybe I do something right, maybe I treat people with respect? But yes, when I see someone is looking beat up or distraught or distressed at work, I offer to help or give pointers, or whatever, in a way that isn't like me taking over. I will come in and say that I have nothing to do and I'm bored and I want to jump in, so that it doesn't look like I am one upping the assistant in front of the patients. And everyone, almost everyone, knows about my lovely turtle, and I think the patients think I am a nut for having such a pet that I treat like a child and talk about like a child. I think it passes fine with dogs, but reptiles...? Hah.

It is nice overall to be acknowledged, and to have the work that I am trying hard to make beautifully for you, to have that also acknowledged and appreciated. I just want to do what I came here to do, do it well, and make people happy.

I know that my heart is in the right place, in so many ways. I know I fuck up with some (fine... many) of my personal decisions. I know I keep hoping for something or someone... someone... and thinking that this someone is already in my life, or will come soon to sweep me off of my feet, or simply just love me as I hope to be loved. I think sometimes, "Hey, whoever is out there listening, hey? See, people like me. I do good things. I help people. I get them out of pain, I help them learn, I help them feel better, and they are happy with me, see? Yes, I have done stupid things and I hurt people's feelings, indirectly and unintentionally.. (I don't intend to hurt anyone, but I know my past actions have been selfish and definitely hurtful to others).. But someone out there is happy with me today, and that means the world to me." And then I hope for a break, I ask for a break. I do these things, and I have a respectable job, and I have an opportunity to help make some great changes in the community... And I do, and I get an award, and I get recognition, and my name is getting out there (quietly, but there are so many vegas dentists out right now who look anything like me, so I'm getting around)..

Oh... My point? It all comes back to that for which I pray, for which I yearn, for which I dream. For which my hopeful poetry of the past alluded to, with coins being tossed into fountains and wishes upon stars and the fracturing of wishbones.

It is pointless to say it, so I will not subject myself to such. Instead, I will embrace the fact that somebody (and his wife) is happy with me tonight, and that he had steak as desired. And he is happy.

Construction might start this week. Oh shit. Good night.

9:18 p.m. - 2013-06-11

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