silver4's Diaryland Diary

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Keeping on

I keep trying to write. I keep blanking. I get distracted. So much to say, so much unnecessary and probably boring to anyone besides me anyways.

I have been hanging around CA more. He's a good guy but definitely has some deep issues. He wants to reveal himself but he pushes himself back. I like him as a friend, as the friends we are to one another, but I am afraid that is bound to transition. It isn't too regular yet, but after this upcoming weekend, I would have seen him three weekends in a row. That is a change from once a month or so. Regular is nice, but not if I am attempting to avoid emotions and attachment. I care about him of course, but I don't want to be emotionally invested in him. And he is a tough one, he is very self-deprecating and has so much negativity towards himself, a low self-esteem. Ugh. It's best if I don't think about this though. If I let him enter my head, he will weasel his way into my heart, and I do not want to deal with that. Not right now.

The office is zooming. I have a lot of work to do (go figure). I wish I could focus on just the office, but I can't. Technically I still have to go to my other three jobs and make money to pay the bills. It is a very evil cycle. I look forward to the day that my student loans are paid off. The number never seems to drop, and I don't have the income to pay more than I have to. But hopefully soon...the wonderful future.

I have people basically begging me to hire them for the back office assistants. Literally. I have 2-3 people to choose from, but I need to find someone for front office. That is my big issue. However, it came to my attention that there is one lady from my far office who was fired months ago (to her advantage) who is looking for a job. Except my office is far since she lives an hour away. Honestly, what is happening is that most of the staff from that office wants me to take them away, seriously. The boss they have, decent guy, but he has an ego, an attitude, and well, he just isn't me. I am nice, even tempered, sarcastic, light, playful, and no one takes me seriously, except when they know they should. So I am not *supposed* to recruit these people or take them away from there, but I cannot refuse their efforts to apply with me. I can't say no you can't apply here. Come along! I would be happy to leave that guy too. So yea...decisions to be made. I might try to sweet talk that front office lady though. See if she is interested maybe...

Okay I need to get up and shower and blah blah blah. I didn't say much. So much more on my mind, not enough time to ponder. Supposed to hang out with CW on Sunday (CA on Saturday). Fortunately my interest in CW has subsided. He is still adorable and we would make perfect babies together...but alas. That reminds me, I had a terrible dream that I was pregnant and had no idea who the father was. It was between three guys, some who I actually haven't even slept with in real life. I hate the pregnant-but-uncertain-of-the-father dreams. I've had these before. What a weird thing to have recur. Anyways.

Happy Wednesday, good people !

6:40 a.m. - 2013-07-31

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