silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Something more I am so tired of not being able to sleep. I do not know what to do. My problem is that I consistently wake up at 7, regardless of what time I go to sleep. So if I am out all night, like I was last night, and do not go to bed until 5 am, I am screwed. Not only that, but if I go to bed early like 9 or 10 pm, I will guaranteed wake up around 1 and 3 am as well. Unless I pill it out, but that doesn't always work either. Needless to say, I am sleepy. I went to my friends' concert last night, yet again. I truly enjoy the social hour, I like having something to do and to hang out with the crew. I started talking to the other two guys in the band who I hadn't really spoken to much before. Also fun guys. Ended up going to CA's place afterwards. Looks like he forgives me for not leaving with him a few weeks back. All I have to do is smile and flirt and prance around and he just follows me. I did realize though when I was with him that I don't really want to keep this up much longer. It is fun, but we don't have any connection, and I feel empty and wasteful, and I don't want to "waste" myself on someone who I don't really have any true feelings for, who also doesn't have any inkling of feelings for me (or so I believe.. I could be wrong). But then again, what if I just never find someone who gives a crap? I attract people who just want to jump on me, not spend time with me. It is what I put out to the world; it is my fault. There is no intimacy with him. His body is closed off and protected. I need a closeness that he doesn't offer. Anyways. There's my sob story. Whatever. So freakin tired. I am non-functional. And I have a bunch of things to do today starting at 1 and basically nonstop from then on. Such is life. I'll sleep tonight. Pretty sure I only got one hour of sleep this morning. Sigh. 9:17 a.m. - 2013-09-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||