silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day trip/tripping Day trip was a semi success. Left home around 9, got there just before 1. Left surprisingly around 4, home before 8. Spent much longer there than anticipated, and it cost me around $650, not too bad. May or may not be making another trip down there soon. Feeling pretty good considering I put in over 7 hours of driving. My mind is going all over the place again. Nothing work related, it is simply the personal, emotional crap. The struggles to find a connection somewhere, with someone. I am tired of this. I don't want to be alone like this anymore. I want to share things with somebody. Yes, I have my family, I have my friends. I love them, they rock. But it is not the same. I know, I know. It is a moot complaint. But it is my truth. It's great to have things lining up professionally more or less, but there is so much more. Whatever. Lame. Nothing a little wine cannot block from my mind and repair. An unhealthy approach, yet delicious. Focus on what's important. Get it going. Maybe I need to accept that I am exactly the person I keep wanting to not be. I am just a hook up girl, everyone's friend, someone to hang out with at the bar or a party and just chill and have drinks with, and always the third wheel, or fifth, or seventh. I am the oldest person in my d-school crew of seven, and every single one of them is regularly in a relationship of some sort. I act so indifferent about everything with them, but fuck. This has to end at some point, right? Don't mind me. Just having a moment. I'll get over it soon enough. I'll pound the wine and lift some weights. Maybe I'll go back to getting personal training again. Hah, what am I thinking? I can't afford that right now. And a new week begins. Also technically the final week of construction. Come October, a new phase of my life begins. No need for anyone special to share it with. I am my strongest supporter. Cheers 9:04 p.m. - 2013-09-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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