silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Party and more A lot to touch on here. The grand opening party was AMAZING. The turnout was awesome. I have no idea how many people came, but it was maybe like 100 or so. Absolutely insane. I was all over the place, everyone was everywhere, I was entertaining and showing off the place and here and there, it was ridiculous. It was perfect! Didn't stay too long afterwards, left maybe around 6:30 (party was 12-5, I got there just after 10). And CW did show up, which made my day even better. Tons of friends and tons of family, old friends, new friends who I met just last week, everyone! It was just amazing. Crazy! Afterwards I go home and chill. Then I text one of the girls and she said they were at someone's house, so I went there. Lo and behold, CW had befriended them enough to hang with them the whole night after they all left my place. So he was there, and I tried to act chill about seeing him there on the couch. So we all drink and head downtown for more nonsense. We drink and drink, and at some point we get up and dance. One of the guys from the band, JA, I don't know how it starts, but he somehow ends up with me, and we talked for a bit...I don't remember what happened when and how or why, but I ended up dancing with him and his hands are allllll over me. Yes, true to the nature of the guys I attract, he has a girlfriend, who wasn't there. So he starts making some moves on me, and we start kissing. He basically says that he wants to hook up and whatever about his gf, and he keeps kissing me. I am kinda laughing about this, and I'm like wtf is going on here?? Because he barely talks to me, and when he decides to have a full on conversation, he has to put his hands all over me and get all up on me. So true to my nature, as I do best, I turn on my flirty mode and say the things that I say and let him know that we can continue this at some point. I told him that I am not a good person to get involved with, and that he is going to get me into trouble. He seemed to be amused by me and some of the leading things I said to him. Fun fact: he is not the guy in the band that I am interested in, and the one I'm interested in apparently no longer has his gf, so is kinda fair game. Another fun fact: CW saw us making out on the dance floor. Greeeaaaat... I was cognizant of his presence so I tried to keep it at bay, but JA kept coming at me. So eventually I give him my number and I suppose that story is to be continued. We all go, who knows... Somewhere..and drink more, and guess who decides this is a perfect drunken time to confess her interest in CW? This girl. So I'm sitting with him on the couch and he's telling me it's okay to do what I do (with JA) and I'm like whoa no wait what are you talking about, sir?? He says it's okay, it's fine, blah blah blaaaah, and I say that I'm not trying to deal with whoever, that I like him, that I want him, that I have always wanted him..you know, basically all the shit I should keep to myself when I am drunk off my ass. And he says that he's not in a good place and blah blah with his ex and how fucked up he is with that and he doesn't know what he wants and blah blah blaaahhhh and he's figuring stuff out and I'm such a great girl and I'm smart and amazing and successful and bs bs blah blah and he is surprised that people want him and blah blah who cares ... So I don't know what all I say to him but I put it all out there, he just has to reach out and it is his. But he seems so fucked up and broken and closed off in his hidden private world and he won't let anyone in and he doesn't confide in anyone, and that isn't healthy. So I do tell him that he can have me as whatever, that I am there for him as a friend or anything else, that I care about him and all that stupid shit. But who knows..it is out there now, if it wasn't obvious enough. When an appropriate hour arises, I will text him and apologize more or less for the drunken forwardness, but I will not apologize for my feelings. So good for me for confessing, bad beat in the outcome. So then I was drunkenly bummed and I proceed to tell my friend NP about the insanity of everything around me, about his boy JA and my CW, and how all I attract are the JA's of the world, that it's always a guy in a relationship who wants to mess around with me, that I can't land the single guy who I really want, that I just don't get it because I am fuckin awesome and it's just a continued drama. I don't know. Oh.. I have to pay my rent today. Hm. Anyways, there was my confession. I drove home in mental stress...actually, first I tried to go into this other bar but they weren't letting people in anymore, but I was drunk and frustrated and didn't care anyways. I was supposed to meet up with some other friends but seriously it was like 1 or 2 am at that point, I was done. So I drive home but I call NP to talk to on my drive, he was concerned for me since I was on drunken emo status, and so we chatted on the drive but he mostly talked about himself which defeated the purpose of me ranting, but it's okay. I had told him that i was pursuing CW and what his lame response was and all, and I was like come on wtf is the issue here? What else do I have to do? And how do I shake the curse of the taken-man's heart? Or lust, rather. I live in a crazy world. I will text JA though and see what's up. Because I am a terrible person. He's the drummer. I kinda want the singer. Oh and the singer came to my opening party, which was awesome. He is adorable. I would jump on that in a minute. Still a shame that he is CA's roommate. Gotta make this work somehow... Like I said, I am a terrible person. I would stop all the bs nonsense if CW would have me though. Oddly enough. 7:16 a.m. - 2013-11-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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