silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You're in my room I went out last night, again, of course, with the CW crew. Backing up first.. Friday night, JM texts me to check on if anything is going on. I say nope, nothing yet. He then invites me to dinner, so we go get some awesome sushi at a place I had never been to. JM is a great guy. He is like the male version of me, and I love him. I've known him for maybe 16 years now, something like that. Well, he is such a gentleman, pays for my meals practically every time unless I demand otherwise, and is a great conversationalist. We have tons of similarities, but neither of us would cross that line, because, well at least in my mind, our friendship is too important. Anyways, we talk about anything and everything. We counsel one another about our respective others, and he knows most everything about me that anyone could know...well, the most I can offer him without completely coming across as complete trash. In due time, he will know all. But he's fairly close. He knows about my improper relationships in general, not too many details. Anyways. He is wonderful. So we did sushi, stuffed ourselves, then went to Cheesecake Factory and got fatter, and then met up with our friends at a bar nearby. We have always been great together, but I feel like we are becoming much closer, like possibly the one male best friend who I have who I would never sleep with, because he really is like a brother to me. None of my male friends have been that close to me and undesired...again, we are like the same person. I swear we were separated at birth...but I'm black and he's white/Mexican, different birthdays, and oh yes, not separated at birth. I love him. So he bitches at me about CW drama to get me to quit caring, and although I have my jealous moments, I honestly don't care. Unless I drink too much and get emo, but I won't let myself do that anymore, after my confession of interest to him months ago. All is calm and at bay. So i had bailed on the CW crew Friday night so that I could have my date with JM. The CW crew was downtown as usual, but CW actually wasn't with them because he was staying in watching a movie with that girl he has been dating. Cue jealousy? Surprisingly, no. It turned out, however, that his date night didn't go as he wanted it to. Which leads me to last night. Saturday was for the CW crew, as JM was going on a real date, and since I had bailed on the CW crew the night before, I had to make it up to them. Besides, it was the birthday of one of the girls, who came in to town (moved to Cali in the summer) for just a couple nights. We met up for pizza downtown (of course), and then perused the bars that we know and love so dearly. CW was kinda moody as he continued to drink, but I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was busy chatting with the rest of the crew. There's one guy, MS, whom I had met last month when he was in town; lives in New York. Well he and I hit it off pretty well, and I spent a lot of time talking to him, dancing with him, maybe flirting a little (it's who I am, it's what I am known for, blah). So he is kinda close to me for the vast majority of the night, although at some point I do get to check in on CW. He had been saying since dinner that he needs to be more aggressive, take what he wants, take control, stuff like that. So being the amazing friend I am, I asked him about it, since he was getting noticeably sadder and sadder, and I don't like that. Apparently the situation with his girl didn't get him too far, because she wasn't very responsive. He had her naked in bed (sounds like for the first time) and she basically didn't react or seemed uninterested, and so that was a bust. I tried to give him whatever advice I could give, but he said she just was there like a dead fish, and he couldn't do anything, that he needed a response or a reaction. Understandably. I tried to help, but he just continued to drink away his sorrows. Hey, it helps. Except at the end of the night, when he was falling asleep or falling over drunk, and i had to intervene and turn on protective mommy-mode, and sat beside him, bringing him water to drink whether he wanted it or not, while the MS guy sat on my other side trying to chat it up with me. We get to the part where we are tired and over it, I pushed enough water into his system to keep him in check, and we part ways: CW with the birthday girl, since they rode together, and myself and MS, as I found it proper and polite to walk him to his hotel, in the vicinity. So I walk him to the hotel and I stop when we get there, prepared to hug and say bye, but he holds the door for me and I mentally stumble a little, but I say okay. We were having a nice conversation, so I figured we would finish that up and part ways. Naive, apparently. We get to the room elevators, and I am again ready to hug it out, but nope, he presses the button for his floor and ushers me in. I am like hm..okay...and we keep talking. We get to his floor, and his room is apparently all the way down the hall. I politely walk him to his room. Naively, yet again. I mean, I guess I knew what was up, but he isn't smooth and I didn't think he would make a move. So I kind of hope he is just ready to hug it out in the hallway, but no, he ushers me in to the room. I maintain conversation, but i never sit. He really isn't smooth at all, and I am just being my witty, irresistible self, and he is staring at me. I ask if he is okay. He kind of walks circles around, like he doesn't know how to go about the next step. I ask him if he is conflicted or confused. He doesn't know what to say. I ask what he wants, if he is doing fine. He says he is good, but it is obvious that he is not sure what he is trying to do. I ask him why he is looking at me the way he is. He paces and says "ahh...you're in my room..!" like it is a big deal, said in a way that he should have kept to himself, because he sounded too high school excited to have a girl in the room. It was cute...but left me thinking oh great, does this guy have any clue what he is doing? So I stand there against the wall and look at him, and eventually he boldly comes up to me and starts kissing me. That works. But then he goes back into crazy uncertain mode, and he says "you're my friend...you live here.." (Vegas vs New York), and how that would be somewhat an issue?? Meh not really. Not for the moment. So he abandons me and sits on the foot of the bed with his face in his hands, trying to figure out his next move? He is noticeably very conflicted, and I don't want to confuse the poor fella, nor make him think too hard. So I go to him and I tell him that it's no big deal, I ask what he's thinking, he sits there all confused staring at me. I straddle him and start kissing him, he seems relieved. But I leave it at that. I say that I should go, he seems uncertain of that, and I give him a chance to figure it out, but I figured it was best to go. I say, "you're going to let me leave," and he watches me as I close the door. And I go home. Am i a tease? Possibly. Unintentionally. He started it. Should I have stayed? I don't think so. I think I made the wise choice. As much as I enjoy these situations, they tend to get complicated and messy of late. We all meet up again this afternoon for a Sunday brunch buffet, and he seems good. I see the way he looks at me, I keep it light and nonchalant. It's weird, it's like I always have to comfort the guy that it's okay. There were five of us at the buffet for about two hours, then he, CW and I decide to go see anchorman 2 (which I had seen already Thursday night). Then we parted ways, and when I gave my goodbye hug to him, he kind of lingered and gave me a long, sweet kiss on the cheek. And as I walked to my car, I immediately got a text from him. We chatted a bit more throughout the night, but I think I have to be careful. I know myself, and I lack restraint when it comes to men and my hormones. Especially my hormones. At least he is a good one. But I can't allow too much to happen within this circle of friends. I will attempt restraint. Yeah. 10:48 p.m. - 2013-12-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||