silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Simple kind of life I just need to start over on a lot of things. Personally, emotionally, my actions. I'm a good person and people enjoy being around me (or seem to, at least) and say I am hilarious and stuff. I need or want some solid time to myself though. No obligations, no outings. No baby showers, no birthday parties, no going away parties, no concerts, no dinners, no CE courses, no hanging out with work colleagues, no "hey are you around? I'm in vegas this weekend!!!", no nothing at all, no family gatherings, no bachelorette parties, no group workouts, no fun runs, nothing. And then, nothing. One weekend, I am looking for one single weekend in which I can just be completely alone. Then, of course, I will complain and whine about being alone. Tis a vicious cycle. Instead, this past week: Next weekend is baby shower for my best friend, and I am supposed to help her set up. And then I'm doing this wine walk thing with my dad and some sisters. The weekend after that I have a walk (MS walk), the weekend after that is dads 60th birthday weekend, weekend after that is another local band's concert, weekend after that....holy crap. There is a blank spot on my calendar!!! Ok I just blocked it to not do anything that weekend. I just really want to be alone and figure my life out. Maybe I will drive out to San Diego that weekend and go to the beach. Or whatever beach is closer to drive to actually. Yeah. That's what I will plan, I don't have to go swim, I don't want to do crazy adventures or anything. I just want to be alone. No drinking, no partying, nothing. Maybe a sister or two would want to tag along, that would be fine. Stupid of me to complain. My fb presence still seems to make people think that RO is my boyfriend, since we are always tagged together in places. I was asked about it last night and had to explain. Might as well date each other at this point, everyone apparently thinks we do. I oddly want to hang with CA more, but he is so fuckin unavailable. You would think I would get the damn hint, right? I don't know why I don't just stop giving a shit. I don't *like* him per se, like a crush or so, but I like when we are together. But we are never together. I texted him that we should hang out some time, after he had left the concert and didn't come up to the bar with the rest of us afterwards. It was late. He didn't respond. I am tired of so much, you know? Stress, finances, being single. I can party all night but where is the value in that? I am over it (I am not over it, i am just whining. Next weekend I will be all about it again). I am looking forward to a weekend with no commitments, no obligations. This group workout thing takes two-three hours out of my day what with the commute. I overextend myself. I overcommit myself. I do it to myself, I know. This is all my own fault. Doesn't make it any more logical. My dad called yesterday when I was showing a friend my office, seeing about doing dinner like right then. But I had plans for the concert in just a couple hours, so I couldn't. Then he said for today maybe, but I have that party and the show plans...so I said Monday would be better. I don't have time for every thing everybody wants me to do, and still breathe. I just don't. Maybe I will just say fuck it to every thing and just take today off. But I can't. Too much to do. I'll see if dad wants to maybe do a movie, too, before or after dinner. I have been wanting to see Divergent. I saw Captain America last weekend... I think I mentioned that already. Maybe I did not. Oh. I forgot that I agreed to join a softball league. Not sure when that starts. I give up. 8:00 a.m. - 2014-04-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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