silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Allies Well, I wrote some long entry earlier about basically April not sucking as terribly anymore and things semi-shifting... Deleted it because it felt like a huge ramble. Essentially, though, I met some new, awesome people in a band from a local music thing at a bar last night, and they were an absolute delight to be around. They were from Cali, and I might go road trip down there to hang out with them some time. They were fun and positive people, and shone some light against, let's say the darkness, that others may emit otherwise. I got dolled up and semi-girly for once, in effort to meet some new guy and flirt and all that good stuff, and I guess I should really do that more often? A quickened version of some of what I wrote, basically CA and I have some mental disconnect, and instead of addressing it, he is taking the approach to just cut off without discussion. Works for me, he has a bunch of asshole/jerk moments lately, my feelings will not be affected by him. I had JM do some investigating for me, and he gave my a rundown of CA's thoughts towards what he thought I was thinking, and it was incorrect, but like I said, he won't address it with me because he is...well, a fool. He showed up last night when the bands were all done, perfect timing for when the band I befriended decided to start showering me with hugs and kisses and adoration, telling me I am gorgeous and perfect and so on. I was having a blast with those guys, and basically right in front of CA. I did not set off or intend to make him jealous, but he was right in the line of fire, and I had nothing to say to him aside from the proper niceties. I don't even know or care if he was jealous or irritated with me. I was not going to tell him what JM told me, as they had just had the conversation two nights prior. I was not going to act in any way indicative to being aware of his mindset. I was cordial and normal, but some other guys wanted my attention, and I was happy to give it. And I will brag and say the clothes that I wore hugged my curves beautifully, which very much contributed to the attention I received. That, along with the glowing smile I wore all night, kept me in their view. I did not expect CA to be there last night, 'twas a surprise, but I am damn happy he showed up. I chatted with him a tiny bit, but he didn't say much, probably because I didn't give him much of a chance to. I was grabbing a drink at the bar at some point, and he came behind me and poked me with a straw, and I knew someone poked me and I assumed it was him, but bitch, say something. Don't just tap and wait for a response. So I turned after I got my drink and acknowledged him with a smile. I was in such a positive mood, there was no way he could drop me, and I feel like I had gained the upper hand. Hooking up with him, albeit fun and awesome, is attached to too much drama arising from his mind. If he prefers to just cut things off rather than address like an adult ask me what's up, after i told him exactly what I thought, then I am fine with that. My feathers were ruffled for a moment when JM first told me, but mostly I was thinking man, he is being an idiot. Just talk to me and that will cover it. Nevertheless, I had an awesome weekend filled with maybe too much rum and coke, but a good handful of guys made me feel pretty and adored and special, and they were supportive of me and wished me luck in the future with the practice, and so on. And I feel free and clear in my mind regarding CA. Maybe I'll bump into him next weekend and he will poke me with a straw again instead of having a conversation. I am still stressed and over the month of April. Eagerly anticipating improvement with May. Hopefully. Alright this was still long but not as bad as the first round. 12:42 p.m. - 2014-04-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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