silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Blender Whenever I get home from whatever my Saturday night adventures are, I get into bed and settle down, and pull up Post Secret for the Sunday secrets. This one caught my attention, since I'm link-happy today. It is comforting to know that it is not just people like me who are searching more or less, or optimistic, or whatnot, but that, yes, some men out there want the same. Of course, interacting with people here on d-land tells me that as well, and I appreciate it. Who knows if that secret comes from a man or a woman, but that person is searching, too. Too bad we can't see the words that the postage code sticker is covering up. There is a guy in the RO group, JH, who I think is a handsome, humble, honest, good guy. I didn't interact with him much in the beginning because he was too cute, weird right? Well now we kind of seek one another out when we both show up to an event, and talk a lot. He is recently divorced, with two adolescent girls. His ex basically dropped the relationship, he tried to remedy it, she said screw it and served him with the papers. Who knows the details, it happens. He may be a jerk, he may be a king, I wasn't there to know. But I enjoy talking with him, it is refreshing to interact with him. He is so different from many of the other guys in the group, such as JA and CA, and a couple others who seem to enjoy my presence for mere visual and/or physical satisfaction. I believe that he would be an awesome person to actually date, but I cannot touch anybody else in that group. I have cut myself off. Besides, I can only imagine what a mess that could create. He also seems to see me as a decent person, too, and I would hate to ruin that image for him. Okay, fine, yes I am decent, I just have my character flaws, as does everyone else. Alright so that's it about the good guy in this story. On to the others. So I shall remind that CA wants to "cut it off" with me because he thinks that I want more from him. When I first arrived at the concert, I saw CA, but he was far enough away that I didn't feel the need to maneuver over and say hi to him. He saw me though, but true to his idiocracy, he decided to kind of creep around, acknowledge people RIGHT next to me, and act surprised when I tapped him as he stood right there and said "hey, what's up buddy?" He just places himself right next to me, but doesn't say anything. What is that? Anyways. The first band finishes their set, we talk, and it is actually a solid conversation. It does seem that for someone who wants to step back from me, he certainly was chasing me and my attention all night. He would keep me close by, asking (demanding?) I hold his drink while he would text people (he was also quite the texter, focused on his phone quite a lot, and some of it I saw was him texting his roommate, he was ummm right at the venue with us...), the drink of which I would sip on since I was holding it. He didn't say anything, and I did it often because I could. Because I have the power to do so. After the first time I did it, he looked at me and smiled. Throughout the night, I could be away from him, and he would continuously find his way over to me. I was in a corner talking to some of the girls and this older guy who does the sound for the band, and my arm was resting comfortably on an empty chair. CA came behind me and pulled the chair out to sit, knocking down my arm. That is how he functions. He needs to get my attention by inconveniencing me somehow. Hold my drink, let me block your view, come over here, move your arm. As he sat, I said "hey, I was comfy there," and he just stared at me. So I scooted back and put my arm back on his chair, on his back basically, and took some of his drink. What's his is mine, essentially. He set it up that way. He also proceeds to tell me how much eye candy there is in the casino, as if he wants me to be jealous, but I know he is not going to talk to the girls there, because he is too busy trying to be cooler than me. He will stand around by himself and take sideways glances at me (as if I can't see him; my peripheral vision is on point) and will always come to me. He does a piss poor job of avoiding me, for someone who thinks I want him too much. We all went to dinner afterwards, a huge group of us, and I sat across from two guys (both divorced with kids involved) who I talked to basically the whole dinner, as they praised me and the fact that I have never been married nor kids, living in a simple apartment with no cable and no internet, single and seemingly strong and independent. And CA just sat right there beside them, silent but occasionally looking over to me to join in. When we were all leaving, he stalled for a bit, standing there for a while opposite me at the table. He came around and gave me an oddly full hug as he informed me that he was going home. He hesitated like he was going to say something else. I said toodles and drive safe, and eventually he walked away. I don't know what's in store for the two of us. He seems like he always wants to say something but he is afraid to, or uncomfortable? He can talk freely to everyone else, I see and hear him do so, but it is tough and he is cautious with me. I don't make anything difficult for him. I am all smiles and welcoming and open, in spite of his eternal anger and bitterness. I can tolerate him. Maybe it is because I can take his bs, it throws him off guard. The only girls I ever see him talk to are the ones who worked at the hotel with him, or the wife of his best friend really. He is a jerk by nature, but I still like him as a person, and he wasn't being a jerk to me last night at all, aside from constantly being around me. Who knows. I did decide not to text him anymore, unless I really, really want to, of sober mind, and it has to be worth it. Like, post-game of thrones viewing. Other than that, no upper hand will be given to him. I have too much to deal with anyways, like whyyyy did I sleep with MG Thursday night? That one was a whirlwind. That was definitely a carried away moment. Oh well, what's done is done. Now to watch it all play out. 8:32 a.m. - 2014-05-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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