silver4's Diaryland Diary

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Slipping

Something has gone terribly, terribly wrong.

Nothing in particular, bear with me. I am having a moment.

I have been doing absolutely everything wrong.

I am messing up with everything.

Life, work, relationships. Everything. I don't know what to do. What the fuck am I supposed to do???

Everything is fake. Fake people. Fake smiles. Fake connections, false romances. Everything is a piece of shit. Where did I make this wrong turn?

I will pass this. Very soon. I just took some sleeping pills. Haven't touched those in over a month. These should knock me out soon, hopefully within twenty minutes. I don't want to be awake anymore. If I am awake, I will think, and I will spiral.

My wrists are aching.

"Listen, you are my baby," he said. Four years ago.

That was a lie. That was a lie the moment it was said. I was never his baby, I never could be. His, or anyone else like him. Just...go away. Leave me be.

Lies at work. Liars. Liars. Not my office, the other one. Go away.

Flaunting perfection and success as I wallow in...this. I am flailing in quicksand.

Go away.

Three pills. Work your magic. I don't want to think anymore.

I felt like contacting CA. To help me erase MG. To reset my mind and my body. But I cannot. I forbade myself from initiating contact with him, per his asshole tendencies.

It is all just a waste.

One day. One day.

I don't want to be affected. I don't want to be afflicted.

Come on. Magic. Aaaaand go. Aaaaaaaaand go.

11:32 p.m. - 2014-05-21

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