silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sentimientos You know how sometimes you just want to talk to somebody, but there is no one around? Like... Nobody. Or you feel like you are bothering them if you reach out. I just want to talk to someone about how I am feeling. I want to be close with someone. But I can't, because nobody wants to hear this. I have to keep everything inside and only talk about insignificant, pointless things. I can talk about movies and concerts and teeth and parties and bs. I can listen to other people cry about their situations, their love lives. I'm just so ...affected right now. It is like a knot in my stomach, my soul, my heart, my mind. Four knots, I guess. I want to scream. Instead, I am just going to push it further down with some wine. And further down with some exercise. And further down with some rum and coke tonight. Because that is what I do. And when those knots start to float back up to the surface, I'll just push them back down with some sleeping meds and try to forget. I lose the ability to break down because everyone is used to me being in control, used to me being the one they can all talk to about everything. I am the mom, the sister, the listener. I am just going to ignore everything that I am feeling. *correction. I texted M that I was in a pissed off mood and that I wanted him to call me when he's done. He just did, in between patients and in the middle of me writing this. I love that guy. He understands me and I can say absolutely any and everything without being judged. I can go find food now. 3:31 p.m. - 2014-06-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||