silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Summary I really hate when I ask people what's going on with a tooth, and they say that oh this one is bothering me, and they proceed to tilt their head in some insane angle and pulls back their lip as if I can see what the hell is going on when they tilt like that. It's fuckin dark in your mouth. I'm sitting across from you, face to face, just trying to get a background. I'll lean your damn chair back in just a moment so I can see with the light. Anyways. Sorry. A patient became infatuated with me yesterday. He had swelling and a carious, fractured tooth that he wanted extracted. He had been running around all day trying to get it taken care of, then drama with an office, etc, blah blah. Comes to the office I was at around 4, and in my comforting way, I put him at ease and he calmed down. He said he was feeling much better being in that office now. Which then convinced him to flirt with me. Or at least get in chat mode. I was numbing him up for the procedure, and I was talking with my assistant (partially to distract), and we were discussing the music that was on. The normal station was redundantly playing that new song Rude, and I liked it at first, but now it's overplayed, kinda like Royals was. Anyways, they turned the station to a rock/alternative one for me, and they didn't know the music. So I told the guy why they switched it etc, and I was saying how I still buy CDs vs just downloading. He was surprised as most people are for some reason, but my rationale is that I respect the bands, and I like to see the album artwork. Then I mentioned that I love tool and NIN and it is mandatory for me to own their albums, and he flipped out. Pretty sure that is the instant he fell in love with me. He freaked out and said this was the greatest dental experience ever. He proceeded to ask me tons of questions. What's my favorite restaurant? What do I like to do? What everything. I would pause during the procedure and he would ask me another personal question. I was like wtf I appreciate the fact that you are more interested in what food I like than your own tooth right now. He laughed and said he was being opportunistic. I laughed at him. After all was done, he left happy, considering he had just had an extraction. I knew he wanted to keep talking to me. He was the final patient, we all leave. I get home, maybe a 15 minute drive. I glance at my phone when I get home: he had friend requested me on fb. I laughed aloud. I ended up accepting, and we have been chatting a bit. He asks a lot of questions though. A friend from high school called me earlier today. Her dad is dying and he was being released to hospice care, but he had a tooth that had been bothering him. Her family had been through a lot, even recently. Her mom passed away from cancer when we were in school, her little brother just died from a drug overdose six months ago, and her dad has been in and out of the hospital, I believe of liver failure over the last couple years, and now is nearing the end. So I said I would come over tomorrow and bring some stuff, see if there's anything I could do to help. I don't know if it's an extraction or what. She just sounded so frantic and disheveled. That is partially why I opted against going out tonight, she asked me to head over the earlier the better for him. So I'll swing by the office and see what I can grab to help. She said she owes me. I said nope. Looks like Sundays are becoming volunteer dentistry days for me. Doesn't bother me. I did some relationship counseling for some friends today. I seemed to get them back together. It took several frustrating texts to both of them, but somehow it worked out. I enjoy helping people get their communication back in check. I just still wish I had something good for myself. Now is about that time I take some sleeping pills. It's funny, most of the time, I do it not to help me sleep, but just to get me to fall asleep ASAP because I don't want my mind to stray as it tends to do, with me being all sappy emo wistful. I also just watched eternal sunshine for the millionth time, so that doesn't help. I also bumped into CA this afternoon, and he was looking pretty good. Which gets me worked up. And I haven't spent time with MG in a couple weeks. He came by twice this week to the office for work-related business, but that's all that it ended up being. I wish I had another option, an option of someone who could actually care about me. This patient guy seems smitten, but he...well, he's a patient. And honestly, I suck at introducing new people into my life. I don't make time for them. I'm very leery on accepting newcomers. Anyways. That's enough update for now. Maybe another week will suffice. I actually do like this other guy, I've mentioned him before, but I am not good enough for him, like honorable good. He is so sweet and he just got divorced, and he is a great, attractive, hardworking guy. I don't think I could offer him anything more than sex at the current time, because I'm still too selfish with wanting to keep the other guys, and he deserves more than that. He is so handsome though. I am pretty convinced that he is equally attracted to me, but he deserves better than me. This whole conscience thing puts a dent in my game. But if he deserves someone better than me, who do I deserve? When did I become less than ideal in my own mind? What can I do, other than the obvious, to change that? "The obvious" meaning dropping any of my recent guys completely. Starting over with a fresh slate. But I can't change who I am or how I am. Or who I want. I should really just face it. I deserve CA. The guy who doesn't want to want me, yet he does. And I don't want to want him, but I do. We are comfortable with each other, and so we are just fucked. Until one or the other manages to get someone real. We have been going on for over a year now. Hm. This twisted relationship has lasted a good time. On to another episode of orange while I await the kicking in of the meds. Thinking is overrated. 9:23 p.m. - 2014-07-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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