silver4's Diaryland Diary

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Bleh.

I miss the good old days. Things were more simple.

I have so many goals. So many things I want to accomplish. I am reaching. I want to be better, I want to be the best. I want to be known and recognized and sought out. So many things I need to do to be a better version of myself. Classes that I want to take. I hate feeling like this, feeling like...everything needs to change. I feel so fidgety and on edge. Money. Everything requires money. Books. Courses. Materials. I don't pay myself still from my office. I cannot justify it. But I will, I have to. Not that I am desperate for the money. The way I see things is that if I don't need it, then why should I pay myself? My payroll guy stopped by to say hi (he's also kinda cute, so I don't mind), and he said that apparently I do have to pay myself a little bit. So looks like I will, I guess. Maybe just $1000 a month, works for me. Oh wow I just thought about it, that's really sad. That isn't even minimum wage I don't think. Whatever. I don't care.

Point is...things need to change. I will figure it out. I would say baby steps, but that isn't enough. I need to plan things out like I used to. When I planned out my future, it worked out. I planned out my life for the years of undergrad going into d school. What classes to take, when to study for the entrance exams, when to take the exams, when to send applications, how much money was needed for everything. So I just need to get back on track and plan it out again.

A lot needs to change. Now.

Must start writing lists. And just...changing things.

My mind is everywhere. And I'm tired of people thinking I have the answers to everything. I don't have it all together. I don't know anything. I am always asked for advice about dating and men. Why are we asking the eternally single girl who fucks all the wrong people? I am asked business and office advice. Why are you asking me when I am just trying to survive still? Oh, you say you want to learn from MY mistakes? Learn from your own.

For some reason, I am bitter and in a bad mood. So I am going to pour myself some sangria and stop writing.

8:40 p.m. - 2014-09-23

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