silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you want me to bleed I'm in bed. It's 8 pm. Again, I just don't feel like being awake. I have several of these moments lately. Escape, giving up. Something. I caved and got some antibiotics this morning. I hate to self-prescribe. I rarely do it though, and it's only for antibiotics maybe once a year if at all. Slept like crap last night. Woke up in a coughing fit at 1 am and couldn't fall back asleep for hours, I was just so uncomfortable. Eventually made some tea around 3 and passed out. Likely I will do the same in a few hours when I wake back up. Took some NyQuil and sleeping pills. I'm sure I'll be back up by midnight, pending I even fall asleep any time soon. I can't even say that my mind is racing. My mind is steady. I am stepping back from MG again, at least mentally. I realize that I interpret his words to mean more than they do, and they don't. It is the wise decision, to not let his words leave any impact on me, to not let them influence me. He is simply just another guy. But he is always there now. I cannot escape him. Not like, in my presence, wanting to hang out. Just he is involved in the same groups that I am part of, the same professionally social circles. I don't think I can do anything anymore without anticipating his involvement. Well, fuck. Whose bright idea was it to start this up? And who thought it would be okay, and that I could handle it emotionally? Well I am wrong. I am going to want him, I do want him. Something big needs to happen in order to change that. Cue "something big"...No..? Well, fuck. At least let the meds kick in. Until midnight. 8:00 p.m. - 2014-09-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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