silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Away I get a text around 4 yesterday afternoon. Standard, happy thanksgiving. I don't know the number, so I ignore it, hang out with the family, blah blah. I go home, and a few hours later the person texts again and says who it is. Ah. The One. This guy who I was with when I was about 20-22ish, on and off over the years. I cared a lot for him, but he never showed me anything back. He was terrible with showing me any affection. When I questioned what the hell we were, he didn't have a real answer for me. He was a staple relationship for me, one of those that you learn a lot from. A steady balance between the good and the bad. He treated me well enough when it wasn't pure indifference. I was always there for him, but he wasn't always the same for me. Then I made myself stop caring, and i let it be whatever it was. He would call me when it worked for him, and I just began getting involved with other guys who would probably care for me more (they didn't though). He would call me every few days, or weeks, or months. Eventually, I was dating D1, and I had to cut off the non-relationship with this guy. I met up with him when he called me, and that was the last time I saw him. Ten years ago. But ever since, and even before then, he would call or text me, at least once a year. It became a running game between myself and AV. I would say that he is due to call, and within a couple days or weeks, he would contact me. Every single year since I have been maybe 21. He called me last year, right when I opened my office. Last night he texts me and says he is in town surprise visiting his mom. And he wants to see me. We meet up. Ten. Years. Later. We play pool, talk and laugh, drink and catch up. He says my phone number stays in his head, he will never forget it and he's glad I will never change it. I asked him why does he call me still? After everything, he has a three year old daughter who lives across the country with her mom, some crappy relationship that they had that never panned out correctly. The ex girlfriend (yet I was never a girlfriend to him though) was about ten years younger than him. They got pregnant four months after they started dating. He works a lot and seems to have a semi lonely life, he doesn't smile much, he has aspirations but he has a lot of work to get them still. But why do you think of me, and actually call me? "Because I always think of you as the one that got away." "I'm still here," I say. Hm. We hang out for a while still. He wants to see my office. It's about 12:30 in the morning, but I take him. He's only in town for the night. Then I bring him back to my place. I don't want to have sex with him though. Just maybe watch a movie, drink more, something. He puts on a movie, we lay on the couch, and he just holds on to me, keeps me close. Messes with my hair. We fall asleep there, but I'm cold and I wake up. He is snoring away. I grab a blanket to cover him up. I pour a glass of water and put it on the table beside him. Then I go to my bed and sleep alone. If he would have awoken and crawled into bed with me, I would have allowed it. Maybe I should have grabbed him and pulled him into bed with me. The couch is super comfy though, so he was fine. We wake up, me hours before him. I make breakfast, and again we just lay down and I hold him and play with his hair; he falls asleep on me in my arms. Maybe he needed affection. Maybe he knew I was a source of love and care towards him maybe 12 years ago, and he knew I would always be that person to him. I'm glad he didn't make a move. He kept trying to hold me or grab me when we played pool. It seemed bold to me. But back at home, holding each other and just laying there (fully clothed), I was brought back to 2002. It feels good to be someone's "one that got away". He isn't mine, he never showed that he appreciated me. I would never have known. Actually, no. One day, I knew it. One day, he showed me that he cared about me, and I will never forget it, as menial as it was: I went over to hang out, and I had been playfully bugging him for weeks about the movie Lilo and Stitch, that I really wanted to see it. I come over, and he says he has a surprise for me, that we were going to see that movie. Not only that, but he had bought these iced oatmeal cookies that I loved, and he knew that I loved them. They were like one dollar for the pack, but still. He knew that I loved them. It was the weirdest thing, and an odd memory to hold on to, but I will. As childish as it sounds, that's when I knew he cared about me. Nothing matters now though. Time passes. Who were we to each other anyways? He stayed until about 1:30 this afternoon, he had to drive back out to Cali, had to work around 5. He will call me or text me again in another year. 2:28 p.m. - 2014-11-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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