silver4's Diaryland Diary

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And so it is

Primary resolution: drink more water, underway. All going well there. Am I drinking enough? No. But I am drinking water more. Baby steps.

I am also sleeping better, for some reason. I drink the chamomile tea at bedtime (haven't taken my pills in over a week), and my sleep is working. I wake up at three in the morning, but i focus my ass off and fall back asleep within twenty minutes.

I am on moderately decent speaking terms with MG. We never had an argument per se, but things have just been so off. I won't address it with him though, because it is pointless. But our banter is returning to normal, and the tone is coming back to the way it used to be, at least via text. I am certain it would be best not to be left alone with him, because my mind wanders, so I do not consider it. No leading questions or statements, all generalities, all business related, as painful as that is. Something inside of me still asks "what if?", but I ignore that part of me. That part of me is dying.

I am thinking of the song "the becoming" by NIN. Hm. Maybe I'll listen to the peaceful downward spiral album as I drift into slumber.

Anyways... My mind drifts. My hopes are vast. Always about the office. Screw personal, individual accomplishments. All of my passion is about that silly office and making it absolutely amazing. I am giving people a new experience in the dental office. New patients keep telling me how excited they are to have found us and, oddly enough, how excited they are to come back and get their fillings and stuff done. Because we fuckin rock. It isn't crazy fun or amazing, it just...doesn't feel like a damn dental office. Plus days like today when I feel like having a muffin for breakfast, it overflows into the office because when I bake for me, I bake for the office, so they get my leftovers. Also, a lot of patients call me by my first name. They call me dr in the beginning, then they just drop it and say my name. I don't care, it's just funny. I have a lot of fun with my patients and messing with them. I need to figure out something to do for them for valentines day. I had candy out of course last year, but I think I'll make cute favors for that whole week. Just because no one special loves me doesn't mean I can't love everyone.

So. Ramble. My assistant and I were craving wings after work and went to grab some before heading home, sat and hung out for almost another hour. We have such a chill relationship. I should sleep. Good night.

10:18 p.m. - 2015-01-08

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