silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jr Lately I keep hearing MG's name, everywhere. His first name. It isn't super common, at least I did not think that it was, but apparently it is all over the damn place. Children, adults, tv characters...could we just stop? I don't talk to him anymore, that is done on every level. I refuse to contact him unnecessarily, and I believe he developed a modicum of common sense that directed him away from contacting me, as well. I cared for him, I really did. But that was a mistake. He was wonderful and beautiful, and dangerous. Hurtful. Hot-tempered. Wrong. Just...wrong. He made me feel good though. Not just physically, but like...understood. Appreciated. Special, important. The weird thing is...I don't care. I stopped. His name is just a memory now. Why can't i do that with CA? I guess he has to hurt me. But wait, hasn't he already? Several times?? I did like that he held me and made me feel special. I don't miss him, I do not think about him or long for him. But I long for what he gave me, and that was affection. Nobody else offers me that, for now. Muse is coming to concert. I bough tickets this morning. I have never seen them, definitely looking forward to that one. I am driving over to LA area tomorrow for the funeral...I think I mentioned my friend from school? I won't repeat it, but yeah. Leaving fairly early, then headed straight back over afterwards. I have a confession to make. It is kind of pathetic, but bear with me. I haven't told anyone, because yes...it is pathetic. Wishful thinking. A few months ago, I was shopping for a baby shower. I came across these cute red, black, and white patterned and polka dot baby bibs. I am a huge polka dot girl. Well, I proceeded to find the gifts, of course, but I could not sway away from those bibs. It was cheap, like $3 or so, and so I bought the pack, with the hope that one day I will have my baby girl whom I will adorn with polka dots. I also stashed a couple growth-phases toothbrushes for her from our stash at the office, because....well, because. Granted, I am not anywhere close to being pregnant, nor could I decide on the sex, of course. But I could not put back those bibs. Super cute. So yes, that is my confession: I collect items for the daughter I may never have. And on that pathetic note, I go to bed. Early start in the morning, with the whole 3-4 hour drive and all. Good night! 10:12 p.m. - 2015-10-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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