silver4's Diaryland Diary

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Love

Sometimes things happen and I want to tell CA. Because in my head, we have a decent friendship. I may be wrong. He doesn't think to text me about anything significant going on, but I know that he does tell me pretty much everything when we are in person. It's all that time in between that there is silence, and I want to contact him. But that loud, annoying voice inside of me begs me not to text him. It says "hey girl, if he wants to talk to you, he will talk to you. So stop." I'm not a fan of that voice, but she is pretty bright. So I end up holding things back when I would rather express them. For example, when I got the house finalized and moved in. He found out about two or three weeks after I had moved in. Granted, he sounds irritated about the fact that he doesn't know anything sooner than the others, but again, if he wanted to engage in a conversation with me, he would. So there's a couple things today that I wanted to tell him, but I hold myself back from doing so. I wish he would put forth some communication with me though, so I wouldn't look like I were reaching, but then I think, well if I don't say anything at all, then it may seem like I don't want to talk to him. Basically I am being that dumb girl in the movies who you want to yell at. Blah blah he's not interested, blah blah whatever, stop trying, stop caring. You would be exasperated watching the movie of the two of us. I am exasperated living it. Anyways.

There are hummingbirds and ladybugs all around my house, and I love it. This is the loveliest little place in the city of Las Vegas. Okay fine, maybe not the whole city. But it is a cute cozy place for me.

I have to go drive a good 30 miles for some shindig with some cousins, but I will leave you with this nugget of info: JA is now engaged. It disgusts me. I shudder about it all, but whatever. I won't deal with him anymore though, I can't. And I pray that I am strong enough to hold out and tell him it's done. I am strong enough, I just get dumb.

Anyways I guess I'll text CA now and hit the road.

6:44 p.m. - 2016-04-29

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