silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Next He's from a small town in South Dakota. Has lived out here for over a decade though. He is cute and very kind. I am not used to kind. We had a few drinks and walked around a little bit. When we left the final bar, he grabbed my hand and held it on the way to the car. I accepted it. Nice people scare me. I don't know what to do with them. I know what to do with guys who don't value me enough. That's easy. I don't like my emotional conflict. Particularly the last three years of my involvement with CA. Not that after one decent date with somebody, that I am smitten or anything, but just considering the future altogether. How can I clear my heart of CA so I can move the fuck on with anybody else? I can't. I still text him semi regularly. I still want to see him. I still want to be in his presence. I love goofing around with him and being drunk and jumping around the place dancing and singing. I don't want to do that with anybody else. And yea, time can change my thoughts; it has cleared other guys from my head before and will again in the future. But as for today, and tomorrow, and the next day... I will continue to revert. Regress. How am I to move forward when I come home from a great date and immediately want to know what CA is doing? Who cares. And I'm not even drinking this time as I have these thoughts. Sober emo. Ugh. 9:39 p.m. - 2016-05-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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