silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One more Thirty-five on Tuesday. Fb will tell my friends. A small handful most likely knows already; the OG friends from high school, my two girls. Aside from them and my immediate family and my coworkers, it is up to fb to inform the masses. Not like I care for people to know. But I think about how I know pretty much all of my friends' birthdays, it's just...what I know. I know their names and their birthdays, because they are my friends. My true friends, not the randoms who collect friendships online. CA doesn't know. He will notice when he checks his phone and sees the bs posts, and he will post something, possibly text me. He will ask me what my plans are. Well...it's a Tuesday. I plan to work, click the like button on people's posts, reply to texts and phone calls at some point, aaand... that's it. I actually might go see la la land that night. I saw there is a ten pm viewing. I have been wanting to catch it. Whatever. I am feeling a little down and lonely, and this is not birthday sadness. I love my age, always. I have been waiting quite impatiently for thirty-five to roll around. I am just pensive on the usual. Preoccupied. Wishing for something or nothing or anything. Wishing to make sense. But I just truck along and go with the flow and put a smile on my face, because nobody likes it if I am not smiling. Time to plan that next vacation. I have a patient who is pregnant at 43. My coworker said, so there is hope (for me). Not exactly what I want to hear. And I don't want to be pregnant at 43. AN is very attentive and kind to me. But extremely sexually driven. It's all about sex. Conversation via text is actually quite decent, but in person, it is clearly focused on sex. I would love to hang out with him more, if i didn't feel like my body were just a source of satisfaction for this guy. It's what I expect anyways, I don't want any further attachment with him. He just treats me deceptively kind via text, and is a groping maniac the second he steps into my door. He mentioned that he was going to a birthday party tomorrow night. I didn't have any interest in letting him know that I had an imminent reason to celebrate as well. He would ask to come over, and I think I want to watch la la land in peace. Nobody seems to understand my appreciation for being alone at times. Including myself. CA and I have been getting along pretty well lately. I know that that means nothing, though. I will lose my mind if I let this ride another year. Or I will lose my self-respect. I suppose it is a good time to consider sleep now. 11:24 p.m. - 2017-01-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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