silver4's Diaryland Diary

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Bleh.

Ehh...
I'm kind of getting used to having AN around. He's a lot better at communicating with me and making efforts to spend time with me than CA is. I feel like I haven't given him a fair shot, primarily because of things that I was told about him and perhaps the way he acts. I was told that he is a bit of a player and that he gets around, which honestly is perfectly fine to me. Do your thing, handle your own, I don't care. I do my own thing, so who knows what is said about me out there. But I started off under the impression that he would just want to hook up and go on about his day, like I have come to expect from the men in my world these days. Again, completely fine. So we met up the first time after persistent prodding from him to do so, had some drinks and food, and he managed to convince me to go back to his place, and voila. I felt a little dumb, but I also didn't give a shit for the most part. I'm a grown woman, this is what I do. Hooked up, went on about my day, let him do his thing, talked a little bit a couple days after, but then I let it go silent for weeks. I didn't want to talk to him or encourage communication. But then after a couple weeks, he texted me...and kept texting me...and now I don't think a single day has gone by that we haven't spoken since maybe just before thanksgiving. At first I thought, wow, he's smooth. He's really good at this, no wonder he gets the ladies, bravo. He has good game, props to him. But...he keeps talking to me. I think, well he should take a break from me to talk to other women. I'm sure he's hooking up with other ladies, it's expected, and I don't care because he isn't my man. But he is always trying to come over, to see me... it could all just be part of his way. He is good though. He is good at making me feel special, whether or not it is a genuine sentiment. I really needed that. Lord knows I don't get it from CA. The pet names, the terms of endearment, the check ins, the good morning sweetheart's, the feeding me. I mean, just feeding me is brilliant enough... Now don't get me wrong, he isn't a complete charmer. The man is riddled with sexual vulgarity, which is the primary topic of every conversation, his primary goal no doubt. He may text me all day and it may start off cute, but he quickly and effortlessly turns it into a sexual conversation. I laugh it off, encourage it a little, and shoot it down, but he always comes back with more. He twists everything into something sexual, which is what turns me off of wanting to talk to him sometimes, but he is a funny guy, so he can stick around.

Blah blah, my point is, I am afraid of possibly gaining true interest in him. I think I am okay, but then I think, well fuck, what if he actually likes me? I doubt it, I know who and what I should be to him... whatever. Anyways. He has turned out to be a pleasant surprise. Even though everything about him exudes his desire for sex, he is a fun person to have a conversation with. I don't know. I'll figure it out. Ehh but there's nothing to figure out. I shall continue to go with the flow.

These damn men. Ugh.

Good night.

9:16 p.m. - 2017-01-25

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