silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- April My next door neighbors have moved out. I never really talk to anyone in my neighborhood. Maybe less than five times with them, once or twice with the ones directly across from me. I guess I don't have reason to socialize much. It's a nice spot that I have: corner house, road behind me so no neighbor issues there. And just the one beside me. They had a dog that would be loud outside, but dogs never bothered me. They did have a lot of vehicles though. Maybe five? Too many for such a small area. One was an RV that they would have parked on the main road behind me. Anyways, enough about them. As usual, my world is simple and kind of boring. Nothing going on. No new guys. I seem to be pushing AN to the side a little. He is nice and he's fun, but so predictable. Routine. A great routine, i will say, but it bores me because...well because he isn't CA, dammit. I would much rather pass the evening hanging out drinking and socializing with CA, with no sex, than the guaranteed hook up with AN. I guess I'm just past that now? I'm not in the mood for wasteful interactions anymore. Maybe I will be again one day, but as for now, I would much rather spend my time in a more enjoyable manner. And since CA hasn't been a complete asshole to me in well over a year, things are pleasant. I don't know why I avoid telling him how I feel or what I want for us. Well, I do; it's because I feel like I know how he will react. And I feel like it will not be a favorable reaction. It's like...if I don't say anything, then we can continue on happy and ignorant. But it isn't satisfying to me. Come next month, we will have been at this on and off hookup/friendship/relationship/something for four years. FOUR YEARS. Granted, I have had my share of other guys along the way, but from what I've been told from others, he maybe slept with one other girl aside from me. Which I prefer, obviously...well, I mean, I would prefer zero, but it's too late. Is there even a way for me to say "hey man, I don't want you to sleep with anyone else, and I don't want to sleep with anyone else, just each other."? A way to say that?? Which would actually work??? Men?? Help me out. Like...it's a step. I will agree to ignore any other guy who comes along, if you will do the same with the women. The bonus for me is that he has terrible game because he comes across as so mean and asshole-like, so nobody wants to talk to him in the first place. Except for some odd reason, I did. And here I am, four years later, still trying to figure my shit out with him. Ugh, well I will have to postpone my thoughts. I have a four hour class I am supposed to be at in half an hour, so I should probably get out of bed and get dressed now. Lame. Happy April, dland. 7:29 a.m. - 2017-04-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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