silver4's Diaryland Diary


Go away, 2019

*dusts off the keyboard*

Oh, hey! Not bad, I’m getting an entry in before the end of the year. Things have been interesting, and I am eagerly looking forward to the termination of next week, for it shall be the beginning of my winter vacation. Office closed for two weeks, hallelujah! I’m telling ya, it is difficult to focus and give all of my attention at work during the month of December. All I’m thinking of is how I can’t wait to leave till January. Maybe I should just start closing the office for all of December... ahh, a girl can dream.

So it’s late and i should be going to sleep. I just took a sleeping pill, so as I wait for it to kick in, i opted to visit this for a sec. Won’t be too lengthy, because I will ideally be crashing soon anyways. Life update is a little rough right now. Everything happens for a reason, right? Blessings in disguise? Well, after my car accident a few months ago, I’ve had some lingering neck and back pain. Makes it uncomfortable at work with the crappy positions I get in sometimes, so it’s been a bit of extra strain. Well, doc ordered an MRI to check for damage, and lo and behold, we come across an unfortunate finding. Guess who has a tumor in her cervical spine, running along the spinal cord? Yep. So that’s cool. Like I haven’t been dealing with enough bs lately (btw, I've been dealing with enough bs lately). Nothing is fazing me anymore. I found this out just under a month ago, and have an appointment with a neurologist on Friday, first visit. I’ve been appointment hopping lately. I have my chiropractor, the accident dr, a nurse practitioner who is basically my general practitioner (blood pressure issues prompted that inclusion), had that MRI done, had a kidney ultrasound done because of my blood pressure, I’m getting another MRI done also on Friday... I’m on a handful of meds to get my BP down, and it subsequently has gotten me down in the process. I’m still jovial and smiles and high spirits to the masses, but I’m cracking and I’m honestly just sad. It depresses me to take all of this medication. It depresses me because I was so frustrated, trying to make lifestyle changes to remedy the BP to no avail, only to come to the realization that it’s probably because of this damn tumor that my BP is insanely high (mostly controlled now though). But ya know, I’m dealing with it. The annoying thing is, I can’t just deal with it. Because, although I shouldn’t be jumping to this assumption, but I kinda assume I’ll need some surgery...guess I’ll know when I talk to the neurologist on Friday. Whatever, I’m not going into detail right now about what’s running through my mind about fuckin surgery near my spinal cord, but you can imagine my thoughts. The annoying part is that I think okay, if I need surgery, then I need someone to cover me in the office. I need to contact the staffing agency or see if there’s someone around who can fill in. I need to organize some things in the office for whoever may step in. I need to contact my disability insurance and see what they say about my coverage in instances like this. I already asked them about upping the coverage, but it seemed like bleh for a lame amount of difference. I have to think of money, down time, office bills, personal bills, my sanity...
I guess I’ll just wait to hear what the doctor says on Friday.
So everything happens for a reason. If I didn’t get in the accident, I may not have gotten this MRI until my symptoms were much worse. So, blessing in disguise, but what a way to find out.
Alright, that’s my update. I just had to get that off my chest. I’m sure I’m still processing it all. I never had a chance to just scream about my frustrations with the accident either. Now all I do is roll my eyes and ask, “what else?”
It’s pushing 1 am now. I will update soon. This time, I think I mean it. Good night for now!

12:31 a.m. - 2019-12-10


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries: