silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Steps I am surprisingly happy these days. I am so happy. I picked up the key to the office today! I went in and took some baseline pictures of the mess. It is such a beautiful mess, because it is mine. I am so freakin excited. It doesn't matter that so many other things are a complete mess. That now I am working at three offices on random ass days with weird shifts. I care not. I don't have the comfort of some guy beside me to love me and cherish me, but meh. I am fixing my world. I hope to succeed. If I fuck up and fail, well damn, that sucks. But I have extricated myself almost completely from the main bs office I have been at for the last two years. I am down to one day a week now, a lame but acceptable day a week; helps to pay the bills. Suppose that is all I ask for these days. Just want to pay the bills. I cringed when I had to hand over a $6000 check for deposit to the landlord. Do you know how much wine I could have bought with that? Or I could have paid 3 months of my student loans? Ugh. But alas, to be said again and again, such is life. I may be lonely and longing for companionship, but somehow along the way, over the last couple months, I have made myself happy. It is my own doing. We are each responsible for our experiences. Yep. I bought a wall plaque a couple days ago that says "every day is a second chance". I like to surround myself with positivity. I kinda need it. Because this is still insane to me that this is happening. But I put on my big girl pants and speak with strength and confidence when I talk to all the people involved with the project. It just feels good to get something in my life under control. Little by little. 5:25 p.m. - 2013-04-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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