silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- always bitter i should clean my room... i had a dream last night that i went to get my pap smear and they said that i pretty much never got better and had an extended cervical cancer issue, like the cells were more fucked up and at a worse prognosis. even more reason for me to go get checked. except now i'm anticipating the worst. but i guess i should, that's what i get. i should watch a movie. either eternal sunshine or closer. i watch both too much. but i think tonight is an eternal sunshine night. and i suppose i'll clean at the same time. yesterday i got a little sad about the R situation. i hate the disconnect. we are pretty much completely over. i try to open up lines of communication but we've lost it i guess. i knew things would change with the break. and for some reason, i was thinking about that night, and what he said, and how he acted... and then the fact that he just disregarded it. it blows that i still have feelings for him back there. i'm doing good by distracting myself with M, even though that is complete bs maybe even more so than R's is. my emotions are fucked up. my feelings are shot. my love life is a joke because i'm pretty much stealing someone else's since the one i want i can't have... eternal sunshine it is. it always reminds me of T. because i will always wish i could erase the memory of him that destroyed me. or maybe i'll watch lucia. quite a toss up here. depends on how emotional i want to be tonight... and also, this chick from school keeps asking me questions about scheduling patients for clinic. she just started clinic this week and is freaking out about the stupidest things. just fuckin schedule them. bring them in. the rules are a little flexible when there's emergencies, and there's really no way to schedule an emergency, at least not how they've told us. just fuckin bring them in. the end. shit. 8:42 p.m. - 2009-07-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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