silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- usual okay well i convinced myself that i can finish the denture monday afternoon since i don't have a patient. so i'm sitting here thinking about all my bs situations. it's really sad. sad as in lame. what am i really doing with M? i'm passing time. i know that there's no emotions, just cravings. cravings and indifference. i'm not good at being a good person anymore. everything is pointless it seems. i'm messing around with a guy just for fun, who is getting married in less than a month, whose gf is tripping seemingly every day about one thing or another, sometimes related to me, when i'm really not a threat. i mean, yeah, i'm an issue, but i'm not a threat, you know? i'm not going to try to steal him. i'm not going to interrupt the wedding. i'm not going to do anything stupid that even gives her a chance of finding out. i'm fine with it all. i'm only disappointed in the fact that this is what i do for kicks, since everything with R just fell to pieces. it's not even a rebound situation... i don't know what it is. it's convenience. it's happiness and comfort that someone has interest in me and gives a shit about me and although in a way, it's using me, i'm also using him, and he's pretty much my best friend right now so everything is always all good. god, why do i do this to myself? i was just thinking about JG. we spoke briefly yesterday, and he was talking about how things are different now that his wife is back living with him. she had been back in their country for like the 6 months prior to summer break and came back when we started this quarter up. but when she was gone, we always hung out, we would talk a lot and drink and flirt a little, and things were exciting. and now she's back and he comments on the fact that he doesn't get to enjoy anything anymore. and then there's d2 again, we've been flirty but i don't know if we'll do anything. we should though. why not? and then i was told the JL is planning on visiting me next month, which would be nice if he actually told me so i could have an idea of my schedule as well. dumbasses. blah. anyways, my point from way in the beginning of this entry is the fact that i know that they 'love' eachother or whatever, although he may say that he has no feelings. i want to avoid texting and emailing him today if possible. i think i spend too much time communicating with him, when both of us are out and busy with other people, we still find the need to talk to eachother. i should be nice and leave him in peace to do wedding stuff. have i mentioned that i hate having roommates? i can't wait to live alone again. shit. bbq time 10:33 a.m. - 2009-08-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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