silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oops? I usually am quite bummy at work. I look presentable yes, but nothing impressive. Hair gets brushed, headband usually stretched over the front, voila. There is my effort. That was my sexy style for yesterday. Looked at my face for about three seconds and decided meh, it still looked clean from the night before, and I hadn't put on any makeup the previous day, so mehhh I'll just run a damp washcloth over it real quick and reapply my face lotion, pop in my contacts. Threw on my super non-fancy, non-sexy black scrubs and shuffled into my non-sexy crocs, and frumpily went to work. Handled my business (literally?) and rushed home to clean up prior to a CE course/dinner at a nice fancy restaurant. Ripped off my scrubs, no time for shower, kinda spot washed up to defunk, threw on a modest dress with a proper amount of cleavage showing (come on, I'm not a total monster). Reassessed my hair and face: said fuck it, pulled off the headband, re-brushed the hair, put the headband back. Addressed the unprimped face and decided to draw a quick line along my eyelids and throw on some mascara. Had to wake up my eyes a little bit and show I was kind of a woman. Although that is the exact amount of makeup I put on every single time I go all out. Anyways. Glanced at my legs in that dress.... Looking a little prickly. Meh...nobody is going to be looking at me? It's a dinner/lecture, I'm going to be listening to some dentist talk and I'll be eating a bunch of food. I just have to be proper for a while. Threw some lotion on my legs and feet though, as I heard my sister's voice yelling at me from afar about having dry feet. Jetted to the restaurant and walked in exactly on time. Signed in, smiled, did the niceties. Some rep came and introduced himself to me after staring for a bit (although an overall modest dress from old navy, the boobs still looked great). Talked a tiny bit to this other guy who has been doing some marketing stuff for my office and who I see at basically all of these events and anything associated with them. One doctor who I always talk to at these meetings came and sat by me when he arrived. Said our hellos and smiled la dee da. Lecture started, ate, good stuff. I see rep and marketing guy whispering a little and looking at me. "Hm," I think. "Guess I still got it tonight..." Note on the hair, pretty sure I haven't done a damn thing to it since Sunday. Just saying. Lecture finishes, I make it a point to go up and thank the lecturer and shake hands with him. It was an awesome lecture on a topic that you guys could care less about, so that's it there. He was talking with the rep when I came up, and then rep guy starts talking to me and asking me some basic questions about my practice. He had given me his card, so I told him I would contact him. I start to walk away and as I walk, I put my hand on marketing guy's back near his shoulder to say bye since he was talking to someone and I didn't want to interrupt. He stops me from going, I say I'll chat with him later about some aspect of our project, and he asks if I want to hang around and grab a drink right after and chat it up. Sure, I have nothing to do. It was 9 pm. I wait in the hallway as passerby and attendees mosey along, and rep comes out again to talk to me. We chat some more, then he gets tied up. Eventually marketing guy comes along. Let's call him MG now. Obviously if I'm giving him a name, he has become pertinent. We go to the bar, we have several drinks, we discuss business, we have a blast, sooo much fun just chatting and entertaining one another. He gets really flirty with me, and I was born a flirt. He gets closer to me and I let it happen. He for some reason starts taking selfie pictures with me, and I'm like cool, share those with me, bro. Quick insert here: he is taken, he has a girl, we have met, she rocks. So I assume his flirting with me is just alcohol related maybe, so I don't take anything seriously when he starts reciting the lyrics of Closer by NIN to me after i said they are one of my favorite bands. He says that would be a great song to have sex to, and that he never has to that song, and proceeds to make a pact with me that we have sex with one another to that song by a certain day if neither of us do with other people. He decided to make that day May 9th. I was like ummmmm wellllll...and said okay, jokingly, laughing along with him. As the night continues, he lets me know as it gets closer to midnight, and I laugh with him, oh silly MG. So this place kind of attracted some uppity crowds, and we were at the bar by some older white couple who apparently was throwing him death daggers as we were talking, but they were outside of my scope of vision. MG is white, I'm black (if you didn't know...I'm sure you did), and he said that it basically looked like massive judging going on from them and another couple by us too, as he is sitting here all hugged up on me and having drinks. He said that when he had taken out his laptop to show me some work stuff, they seemed better, like it was business related (well, essentially it was). Anyways. We pretty much close out the place, lights turning off around us, so we take that as the sign to leave. My car is hella far, his is close, he drives me to my car and parks, but yeah...we aren't going anywhere. We just keep chatting and laughing and listening to music. He purchases Closer on his phone before telling me so, but it takes forever to load. I'm like why the heck did you buy it, of course I have it on mine, and it works beautifully. I plug my phone in instead. I guess that was the kicker. At first all is good, but then he starts nuzzling against me and starts kissing my neck, and I'm like ah crap. But a very welcome ah crap. He keeps telling me how sexy I am, as I laugh inside at the aforementioned effort I put into my appearance. He debates on what he wants to do, for a long time as we are just passionately kissing. He says that he shouldn't, blah blah, that I'm so hot, blah blah, can't resist me. Starts caressing my legs, I tell him that it didn't shave them, he says that turns him on more that I said that??? I laughed at him. Alright buddy, not my fault if your hand gets cut. We were really careful messing around because umm we were in a freakin parking lot, but eventually yea...he makes his way inside, but is conflicted and says that he shouldn't go any further. He says he is monogamous. I don't know if I believe him. He is actually a really good guy, so then I start to feel bad about his inner struggle with deciding to move forward with me or not. As he is already inside of me, but still. I'm like "well, I'm leaving this up to you, it's your call. I don't want you to feel bad and guilty." He seems to be pulling the "this is so bad but so good" card, so I don't know really what he wants to do, and I'm like ummm maaaybe stop??? We only mess around for a little while, and I make sure he is cool, and let him know that I am cool. I say that I do have to leave since I do have work Friday morning, so he allows me to go, after many more kisses. He says that now every time he comes to my office, he's going to want to have sex with me. I tell him that he can't, for obvious reasons. But we part with him basically saying he wants to start something up with me, but not in a car. And I drive home thinking, yet again, why is this the guy I attract? How come people don't come to me when they are single? Maybe because if I were to reject them, it wouldn't really matter because they have someone anyways? I don't know. But I just keep redefining my destiny and destroying any of the positive karma I build up for myself in between these guys. Oh well. So on that note... I'm a bit of a terrible person, again. But, what's new? 4:38 a.m. - 2014-05-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||