silver4's Diaryland Diary

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Lame

I am lame. I'm tired of being lame. I want to sleep and fade away once again. I am so tired of everything. I just woke up but I want to sleep again, so I took some pills. Does it work that way? Probably shouldn't. But I don't care. I don't know if there is antlything I have to do this weekend, like study for. If not, I want to be invisible. I don't want to go out anymore. I don't want to waste money drinking or playing or anything. There's too many social events going on right now and I don't want to participate in any of it, I just want to fade into the background. I'm going to try. I'm tired of being sad over this shit. I really need a break. I'm so happy that this is ending and I can be away. I tried. Or I'm trying. I'm trying to be friends again with JK after all the shit she and R did, because apparently she felt bad about how it went down and she was just a bystander anyways. But fuck. I don't have it in me right now. I can feel the drowsiness kicking in. I think it goes well with the lingering beer in my system. Why. Why. What do I do this weekend? Do I pretend? Do I go out and play more tomorrow afternoon? I don't know. I'm undecided. Ah, I guess I mean this afternoon , it's 6 already. Waiting for this shit to kick in. 2 more weeks. 2 more weeks.... God I feel so stupid sometimes. I can't wait until this is over. I need to reboot. And once again, I give up. I give up caring, it just doesn't work out in my favor. So he has my heart. Who gives a fuck. If he's just going to trample on it and play with it and treat me like this, it's unnecessary. I'm ready for happy moments again.
I got a text from my friend AV today asking if I think her brother in law is cute. I remember when I first met him, maybe 8 years ago, and I thought he was cute even then, when he was maybe 16 or 17, but he was still in high school and he was her boyfriends brother. So I left that alone. But now, he's 23 or 24 or something, and he has really nice muscles, and he always pays for me when we go out and drink or eat, and Im still attracted to him like I initially was years ago. So yes, AV, I think he is cute. Why that was even a question to me, I don't know. But she was drunk I guess too and Im assuming he asked about me. Whatever . I'll clarify it later. Diphenhydramine is treating me well right now. Good night, sort of.

5:39 a.m. - 2009-05-30

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