silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ethics wow i am a mess. i'm definitely entertained when i read my drunken entries... i can't focus. i'm supposed to be writing a paper, due tomorrow. it's fairly easy to write, which is why i can't focus. i just don't want to. it's stupid and a waste of time for me. it will not cause me to reflect upon anything, although it should. i don't care. i don't want to care. not right now. right now, all i want to do is go back to vegas. counting down. 2 weeks from today. i spoke to AV, who clarified why she asked me about her brother in law. apparently they were talking about me, and he commented that i had shot him down one day when he asked me for my number, at her wedding. which is not the way it went down. i was dating D at the time, and i told him that. but he already knew that. i gave him my number, we're friends and all, but i just couldn't do anything before because i was in a relationship. my issue with him is that i can not just mess around with him. i respect him or something. whatever it is, if i were to get close to him, it would have to lead to a relationship or something, because he is such a good guy and he's not someone i would have wanted to cheat on my ex-boyfriend with. from what it sounds like, it seems like he has re-developed interest in me, which actually, we never stopped having interest in one another. we just both had gotten into relationships and it never came around to us both being single again at the same time. except for maybe now. but i am out here, and he's in vegas. apparently he has some insecurities when it comes to women, or even when it comes to me, which he shouldn't. i know i'll see him when i get back out there, so i sort of want to talk to him and explain why i never pursued anything with him. i would never have shot him down. it's hard to get involved with someone who is your best friend's husband's brother. if things fell apart, or went sour, then what? then i would've had to avoid him or whatever, and i hate having to avoid... anyways. i'll talk to him when i see him again. i want to clear the air. i'll probably hook up with him. or at least kiss him. whatever. i must seem so indecisive when it comes to men. the thing is, i have these people, i'm just really cautious about what i actually pursue. like i pathetically say over and over, i want R, but i can't have him, so obviously i just have to give that up. and i am of the belief that the best way to get over one guy is to get under another. if anything, it works temporarily. it worked when i got with D2 after R and i had our fight... i have pedo this week. i hate working on kids. and i still have to figure out what to do with the crazy patient who i can't get in. i had a cigarette today. the first one i've had in a long time. the pack i have will probably last me the rest of school, because i've barely used it. crap. looks like i have to finish this paper asap. just got an invite to go to the movies and to get high beforehand. i'm down for that. 5:01 p.m. - 2009-05-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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