silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lately I started writing in here last night as I was drunk but apparently I just closed the computer and passed out. Just as well if not better. I'm always curious when I wake up about what I write when I'm drunk, and usually it's nonsense. But then again, same as when I'm sober. So I hooked up with M twice this week which was wonderful. We were on a rotation this week that almost every day we ended before noon, so on Wednesday we bounced early for lunch since we didn't have to be back until 2. And he had driven to school that day, so we were considering our lunch options, but then decided to skip lunch and go to his place and have sex. Which is so much fun. And then yesterday, same thing but we actually had lunch first, and were then like okay let's go. So it was fun and I'm having a great time being with him, the only bad thing is that it does actually affect his relationship sexually because our sex life is exciting and I encourage him to try whatever comes to mind (reasonably), and his girl doesn't deviate and he says it's just routine. Which is fine, but if he's going to be messing around with me, I can't leave it at basic stuff, I have to keep him addicted. Maybe that's a little wrong of me, but I don't care. Oh and two nights ago a bunch of us went to a bar for a birthday, M wasn't there, it was the other crew. And immediately some guy there starts hitting on me and I try to act like I don't notice and offer the space at the bar where I was standing so he can order, but he was a persistent little fuck and so I was polite and let him talk to me, but it was too much and too long, and my friends would come and say hey but then bounce, and there's maybe 20-30 of us in my group there, and I can see them looking at me and smiling. Eventually he says he wanted to go and check on his brother, and so I was free, and then I turn and my friends are cracking up and I'm like WTF I hate you guys. Apparently they were all entertained by how engaged I pretended to look in the conversation and they couldn't interrupt me. Asses. But the best thing is that MS showed up for some reason, he's not in our class... Oh he was meeting his friends too. I don't know if i've mentioned him yet. We danced last weekend and a few weeks before and we are supposed to meet for lunch one of these weekends still. Anyways once I got away from crazy man, I was able to talk to MS, and there we remained for the rest of the night. Sigh... And he's hot and I'm definitely interested, but it just sucks that he's not in my class. It's a little different because we are in different mindsets right now and I'm focused on graduating whereas he's focusing on just getting started. Anyways, I stayed talking to him mostly for the night, but I did still mix it up with my other friends. But then my friends were all leaving little by little, and they'd say bye to me and smile, and eventually R was going to leave too and he was like 'okay we're leaving now...' and looked at me and I was like bye! And he came up to me and messed with my hair and Im like um okay... And then he's still there, and 5 mins later or so he says it again, and messes with my hair again, and I'm like 'ok, Im staying, see you tomorrow', and it's obvious that i'm staying to talk to this guy because all of our friends are gone. And so R gives me some look and leaves, maybe around 10:30 or so. And I stay and talk to MS, and eventually I'm getting drunk and tired and I still have clinic in the morning, so I tell him I'm leaving, but he wants me to wait for him to finish his drink so we can walk home together. So we do, it's me, him, and his friend at about 11:30. And blah blah I just give him a goodbye hug when we part. Then I go to my apartment and he starts texting me, and I'm thinking this guy is adorable, I could actually respect him enough to not sleep with him on the first date. I could probably even wait to kiss him, although I've been tempted every time I've danced with him. And this would be a first if I didn't just hook up with him immediately. I don't know, I guess I want him to actually like me and not just want to fuck me. It gets really old not having any emotional connection with anybody, and instead just going straight to the physical. It's so dissociating after a while. So after I was settled at home, I get online and start talking to R, and it's just nonsense, and at the end I say 'good night I love you' and he says 'love you too', and then I wonder why it is that he's the only one I say that to. I guess he's the only one I can say it to. Considering it would be bad for me to say that to M... Anyways, blah blah R, and yesterday he started chatting with me right when he got home from a hospital rotation. I find that he talks to me more and gets close to me again every time I have someone different around. Yet he doesn't want to do or be anything with me. But I'm mostly over it now, I have a few distractions to deal with at the time. And on that note and in an obvious air of contradiction, H just called me at 7:30 and wants me to come over right now. He said be there by 8. I laughed at him. It's the fuckin morning. I'm not going to roll out of my bed and into his when it's not even 8 in the morning on a Saturday and I'm still barely awake. And more importantly, I am not that into him to jump when he says jump. If he wants me, he has to wait for me. And I think it's time for me to nap again anyways. I woke up too early and went to bed too late and drunk. I still feel like alcohol is swimming inside of me and destroying my brain... My memory is shot. We'll see how this goes with H. 6:45 a.m. - 2009-11-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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