silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- in acceptance. because at this point in time, it's about no longer thinking about this guy and that guy, about parents and friends and siblings. it's about me and the situation that i have put myself into. and of which i will have a wonderful time extricating myself from. observing. the fact that R is online and never acknowledges me. i can't say much though, because most likely he is playing call of duty on his computer, and it just says that he is active, when he is really just active on call of duty. but still. i would like him to acknowledge me, especially considering the fact that i haven't really spoken to him since sunday, since i've been gone on rotation. it's bad enough that i don't get to talk shit with M. i can't spew my anger and find him and be consoled by him, and have him tell me, in a moment of ever-present weakness, that i am actually really good at what i do. i realize that i care for his presence in my life more than i act like i do. curious. as to whether or not i should contact MS about going on that lunch date. he's so stupid for still never making it happen. he knows how i am and that i'm indifferent about everything... meh. craving. a new tattoo. one stating my motto: never feel. because i feel like that gets my point across. i'm not going to be that bitter girl scorned by love and blah blah blah. i accept it. i accept that we are responsible for our decisions, and that if we want something to change, we are the ones to change it. unless we are under the grasp of other individuals who find it their meaning in life to control that of another. i do wonder though what i should have as a design surrounding the lettering, and whether i should have it in english or spanish, and how would actually be the best translation for that into spanish... no sienta nunca? nunca sienta? and where do i put it? ankle, perhaps, like some kind of a band? maybe put a little tooth beside it, just for fun. hm. i think i would do a flower, since i love them. if anything, i'd like to get it asap, before i graduate. basically, i'm tired of feeling. hence the never feel. i have evaluated the fact that fate lies to you just to get on your good side, so that you throw all of your confidence in it. only so it can rip at your heart later. but fuck it. i'm going to read now. and watch some lame love movie. because i can, dammit. i'm just hardcore like that. 9:27 p.m. - 2010-04-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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