silver4's Diaryland Diary



my friend AB came to town yesterday for CH's bridal shower. i was absolutely thrilled to see her. i love her and miss her. it was a surprise to CH, when she opened the door and saw her there, she started crying. i don't know if i would cry, but i understand the feelings.

so the best thing about these parties is the lovely array of options to get me drunk. and so AB and i stuck together and played the games and smiled and took the pictures and all that good stuff. then we all parted ways, only for the three of us to meet up a few hours later to drink and play at some bar. we got a cheap hotel room close to the strip and stayed the night there, and this morning went to the pool at that hotel and just relaxed. they wanted to lay around and get tan; tanning really isn't one of those things i need to do, so i opened up an umbrella above me. after a few hours we went to lunch, and that's about it mostly. parted ways, AB leaves tomorrow, and we will see each other in about a month for our lovely high school reunion. and then soon again for the wedding maybe two weeks later. i love those girls; we can go months or even years without seeing one another, then we just pick it up whenever we get around to it, it's such an effortless friendship.

when we were in the pool, the girls were talking about how often they have sex with their husbands (or soon to be husband i guess for CH) and they were saying it's maybe once a week. and i think that that sort of sucks, but i understand it. the thrill subsides i suppose to an extent. i do enjoy the beginning of an adventure with a new guy, there's more frequent fun. my whole thing is that i don't really care that much anymore. i just don't. i have my cravings. i don't care if i get a new guy or not any time soon. the girls asked me if i'm going to lean towards online dating at all, and i said that i considered it a little, but i'm so indifferent about dating and relationships that i don't want to get myself mixed up in anything, and i don't want to subject any innocent men to the adventures of me. i'm just not serious about that stuff at the time, and as much as i want to be, it's just not going to happen any time soon. i just need to focus on work and pursue my dreams. i do want to be in love. but i think i give up. for now, at least.

i got sad about R stuff a couple days ago, and the dissolution and the unresolve of us. "us". it's actually funny, because it seems that i never have resolve with the guys i love.

well shit, at least we still communicate. i have to accept what i can get.

tomorrow starts another adventurous round of happiness in pursuit of employment. i'm already planning the details of my future house. the backyard is coming together nicely.

11:03 p.m. - 2010-08-29


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