silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- cannot be saved so i just talked to my boy CF online. i say hi. he says "hey, i was just talking to R, thought about you!" i say wtf, i don't see the association. he says "you/R..." fucker. i hate that i am still associated with him somehow. i hate that people know. i hate that people even think about one and then think of the other automatically. it's not fair. it's never going to happen. i don't want people to think of the two of us as anything any more ever again. i should put on a movie. i skipped the gym but i did workout here, so at least i was semi good. then i watched say yes to the dress and thought about how i'd love to try on expensive wedding dresses, although i doubt i will ever get married. i don't think any guy would be stupid enough to fall in love with me, much less propose to me. i don't think i'm built for marriage. at least, not my own. that's my reputation for you. i posted some pics on fb of people who have come to visit since graduation. i added some pics yesterday of my lil sib girl and me, at the pool club. we are both in bikinis, nothing scandalous nor overly sexy or anything. fairly boring imo but meh. later in the day i get a message from one of the older guy drs, the oral surgeon who was all weirdly into me, and he's like "oh i saw your hot pix, pls write me once in a while" blah blah. so now i'm like well fuck, silly dr guy is at it again. he wanted my phone number and all that, but i never gave it to him. it's just weird when some of these guys who shouldn't be hitting on me do so. anyways. i'm trying to build up the balls to call this one company and see if they have anything available. drinking gives me balls. CF says that he misses me. he keeps saying that. he says i'm his favorite. blah blah. sometimes that stuff is just too much for me, because i know he wants to hook up with me. i've had many nights where he tried to make moves and talk me into it and tried to convince me as to why and all that good stuff. he's too much. anybody who puts that much effort into it sort of just pushes me away, especially when it's someone i want as just a friend. anyways. 3:10 p.m. - 2010-09-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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