silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- blah sunday i talked to my former roommate, oblivious roomie, this morning. we actually talk a lot, via text or online, and calls more often lately. so she's been having issues with her bf for a while, and i'm there as always, for her to cry to and for consoling. although we aren't close spatially anymore, i'm still always there, for her or for anybody who wants to talk and let things out. i still don't expect that from anybody for myself, guess i'm over it. i can talk to M and i do, but because of our situation, i just don't feel the desire to. i talked to him on friday and he said that a lot of the stuff he does during the day is to distract him from thinking about me. hm. sweet and all, but i don't care to hear it anymore. i don't care to hear him tell me how he feels about me, how much he says he misses me and thinks about me all the time, that he needs to see me, blah blah blah. i don't care. as friends, it's fine. as more, i don't care for it. crap that went off course. so roomie, she's been having issues with her bf who never wants to spend time with her, so she ended up breaking up with him and texted me tonight, saying that she was crying and had taken tequila shots. so naturally i prepped myself to be the consoling friend, and it was all fine. she said that she just wants to find the next guy already, who will pay more attention to her; apparently she always wants to have a boyfriend, like no break or no moment to keep to herself. and therein i see a huge difference between us, because i am eternally single; if i am ever seen attached to some guy i'm sure it would be shocking to even myself. i have my situations, i just don't have bf's. personality flaw, who knows. not that i don't want one, we all know that i do. anyways, it was just interesting to talk to her and see where we oppose one another in that department. every day now i am thinking about moving out. i want so desperately to be alone. i hate being inquired about my life and so many details about what i do and when and where. and why or why not, etc. it's just... maddening. anything that is too specific, i don't care to share. people can ask me vague general things, but not every single detail. it makes me a little bitchy, but i just need space. patience. patience. i get worked up and i start breathing all crazy, craving a beer to calm me down like the good old days in d-school. gotta love dependency. just gotta breathe deeply and get over it. crossing my fingers that i get some money in this next paycheck. it's all about saving like crazy now. R's bday is on tuesday. i'll just text him, he doesn't care. he's the only one whose bday i def know. two years ago i blew up a ton of balloons and got crepe paper and went into his living room at like 5 am or so (we never locked our doors) and filled the place ridiculously with the balloons, and taped them all over his bedroom door and everything. he's the only one i did that for, but i did do baking and stuff for other people too. i miss all the bday parties and parties in general that our group would have in sf. i'm happy to be away from the drama of it all, but the crazy times were worth it in the end. i'm prob not making sense any more. i should sleep, monday is the early wake day. all the more reason to move out of here, closer to the area where i will be working. ughhh sleep time it is. yay happy office tomorrow. 11:01 p.m. - 2010-12-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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