silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gracias I got a call that I'll be working tomorrow at 7 instead of 8 at the place that takes me an hour+ to get there. Awesome. Looks like I'll be driving at 5:30.. Which means waking up around 4:30? Lame. But I def have to make breakfast in the morn; 12 hours of dentistry takes it's toll. And maybe I'll bring two lunches. Blah. Worked at a temp place again today. It was torture after a which because I had absolutely nothing to do but text people and play bubble spinner and words with friends. Except no friends were playing wwf :( so it dragged. And this afternoon I received possibly the nicest email I've ever received. It was from H, a friend from dental school from the class below me who just graduated, who I had slept with, absolutely adorable, and absolutely unavailable. I've mentioned him here, but it was so long ago. Well not that long, maybe a year and a half was our last contact. Anyways, after I graduated, I hadn't spoken to him again. He wasn't big on communicating for some reason, he didn't like to text or use cell phones and he barely emailed. Email was our only way of talking after a while. Anyways. He emailed me, thanking me for all my help and advice in school, and for passing him patients who were helpful for him to graduate. Basically thanking me for whatever support I gave him throughout school. I had to read it over twice; it wasn't a long email, just a paragraph, but it was honestly the kindest letter I've received, albeit short, but it just hit me the right way. "I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am for having you as a friend..." Seriously?! Adorable. Maybe only I think it's adorable. I guess it feels good to be appreciated? Because I mean.. Yeah we slept together blah blah, and when that happens sometimes I feel like there's a disconnect and that the guys only want me around for that, and when I do actually want to be friends and social still, it gets a little lost in the mix of things. But he actually did still see me as a friend and appreciated me. The essence of who I am wasnt overlooked by anything physical between us. And he did act really stupid and pushy too a few times in the past, which made me lose some respect for him, but I still think he's hot so all is forgiven, especially now with him messaging me. "Thanks again for being a great friend! I have not forgotten and I never will." Really?? He deserves a hug. Anyways. That's my cutesy moment. Strange thing is that I was thinking about him I believe last week, and I kinda wanted to email him but since it had been so long, I figured it'd be inappropriate. So I was super shocked to get the message. Have I adequately expressed my happiness there yet? I'll stop. Now this is what else I think though. Since I'm trying and putting effort into find someone of my own, I feel like maybe the powers that be, the universe, whatever it may be, are challenging me. Testing me to see how I handle my men issues. I failed before, a month or so when I slept with that last random guy. And I don't necessarily anticipate initiating anything with H ever again, especially considering he lives in California, and even moreso considering I'm fairly certain he's still involved as well. And I told myself no more of that nonsense, even if I've messed around with them before. I won't deal with M anymore and I won't deal with H. It's not fair to me. So that's my challenge. I have faith in me...somewhat. Now my other thought, though, is why is it I think about someone lately and then voila they appear or contact me? There was the ex bf from 15ish years ago, who I hadnt seen since then and then I think, and I bumped into him, in May I think. But why not the people I would want to see, the ones I so desperately would want to talk to again? Is it because I have this strong desire for communication? I believe so. Maybe if I didn't care so much. Just like my desire to find someone. Maybe I should just stop caring. I've just done this damn single thing forever, I'm completely over it. I don't want it anymore. Even when I was dating D, I was alone. Just thinking out loud. I give up. I'm going to bed. 10 pm; if I have to be up at 4:30, i should shut down now. Hah. Like my body is a computer. I suppose it is. Good night dland. <3 9:18 p.m. - 2011-07-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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