silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Circles I think I have created a situational monster. As a result of my party, a couple circles of friends has combined. That's nice, right? Good for them. But that means CW has joined in the JM circle. Granted, they knew each other from high school, but they weren't friends. I would mention one to the other, and they were like meh. Not now. Good for them. What does this mean? Let us now get CW and CA in the same group. That's not unsettling at all. Granted, I have no desire in hooking up with CA anymore, I kinda dropped that. Not sure if he realizes it. But they don't need to be in the same group. CA watches me like a hawk. I want him to find a new girl and bring her around. I don't want to be his focus anymore. Yes, I am awesome, but still. I am assuming JA did not know that I was hooking up with CA, otherwise I would think he would not have made moves on me. I just don't think it is wise for everyone to be right there. For my sake. It's already bad enough that i am liking the singer more than I should (DB). I am just a blob of controlled hormones. Or something. I will attempt to find some inner peace. I am not too broken up about CW. I actually feel surprisingly fine. Odd. I feel nothing. I don't feel sad, don't feel rejected, I feel like "Oh, okay. He said no. Carry on". I have been watching my food intake lately, too. I eat, but I stop after one plate, and that plate is sparingly filled. I went to a birthday barbecue yesterday afternoon, and it was so good, and I wanted more, but I just couldn't get myself to eat more. I don't have to lose weight per se. I am in good form. I would like to get back into the gym, I will soon, now that the office is basically set up. Yes. Little by little. I will get my muscles back. But yes, I barely eat now. Enough for what I need to function, but not overeating. The last few months of the office project, I just got so busy and distracted, that I wouldn't go grocery shopping much, and if I grab food on the go, I wouldn't let myself get too much, so I wouldn't have many leftovers. The problem is when I go out to eat with my dad, he always wants a ton of food, but he always says he's not really hungry or going to get something light, which is a blatant lie. It is always too much food, and I try to eat just barely enough of that to satisfy him, and take the rest home. I mention this because I realize I did not have dinner, just that smidgeon of a dish at lunch. Oh and some unhealthy cupcakes that were given to me at the party. It is all just as well. I do wonder what my current weight is though. Of course, I still drink like there's no tomorrow, so I am rocking the empty calories, but in general I am avoiding a lot of the excessively fatty stuff, or just learning to control my intake. Plus I avoid buying stuff like cookies or chips. If people offer stuff like Oreos or Cheetos to me, I tell them that I don't eat those. When they ask me why, I don't have a real reason. I ate them as a child and teen, but now I just selectively say no. (Funny, I can say no to a snack but I can't say no to a man.. Now, if the man had cookies with him, I'd probably say no!) I guess I just feel disgusting or wasteful when I eat that stuff, so I just don't buy it. I would much rather spend on a bottle of wine and take a mental vacation/escape. I prefer the feeling of being a little out of it versus completely with it. Anyways. Bringing friends together. I'm so kind. 2:52 a.m. - 2013-11-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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