silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Interest He reminds me too much of T. Maybe it is because I had longed for T over the years, and so the universe decided to grace me with another version of him. I know absolutely exactly what I am supposed to do in this situation. I need to cut it off before I start to care. Life is foreshadowing this for me. There is a lesson to be learned here. It is a lesson that I have already learned. He has a habit of calling me. I don't know why. I do not even think he has an angle. He just calls. He called tonight, asking me how my day went, how was the weekend, what am I up to. Just...casually calling to check in on me. Said that he hadn't spoken to me in a few days, so wanted to call and see how I was doing. Innocently calling me, as if he were a guy pursuing a girl, or in a budding relationship with a girl. We talked for forty minutes. I am beginning to like him. I do not want to like him. I am not allowed to have genuine interest. This distracts me, and it confuses me. But at the same time, it makes me happy. It feels nice to have the thought planted in my head that somebody was thinking about me and just wants to call and talk about nonsense. It would honestly be much easier if he called and said completely inappropriate things to me and it was purely sexual. It is worse, because there were almost no sexual innuendos, just simple conversation. I am not used to that, because when that happens, it is usually like I said: a budding relationship. I am used to guys who don't call ever, because they would much rather text (understandably), and only like once every here and there when they want to hook up. Actually talk to CA outside of the group or our liaisons? Hah. JA? Anybody?? It does not happen for me. Hence I can continue to go on about my day or week without that person ever entering my head. It works that way, and I remain heartless and emotionless. He is screwing up the system and weaseling his way in, and I am honestly afraid of what this is going to do to me, but not scared enough to stop it quite yet. Maybe he is just being nice and polite by calling is all. I am so terrified though. I am afraid to like him, I am afraid of how that will affect me. I could potentially become jealous and needy, and I would much rather prefer to remain strong. But he has managed to be on my mind every single day. I must find someone else to distract me from him. Wow this took forever to write. Started it last night, fell asleep. Should get up for work now. Happy Tuesday? 11:11 p.m. - 2014-05-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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