silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pet We were texting earlier in the day. I said that I am off work tomorrow and ridiculously happy about it. He said we should get lunch, and I said keep me posted on your schedule. He said let's meet at your place right now. I said no can do, I'm already on lunch, eating. He is silent. I continue eating. Fifteen minutes later, he walks into my office with a big smile. He brings some fancy desserts, one for myself and each of my staff members. Supposedly on behalf of some company. Basically bs. Came by to see me. Kept saying things alluding to the fact that his other plans for lunch fell through, but didn't say it in a way my assistant would understand. We texted a bit more afterwards but then I got busy. Then he convinced me to meet at my place after I got out of work, before I had to go to some lecture. Hooked up yes, but spent a lot of time just talking and being close to each other. Same thing a couple days ago, just sat around talking and relating. Our stresses, our businesses, our goals. What it is going to take to reach those goals. Eventually he had to leave, to return to real life. I had to shower and go to my class. He called me on the way to the lecture. I never tire of his voice. I cannot get enough. I am weak. I am not expecting anyone to condone my/our behavior. I know it is stupid. I just...don't have a truly impartial party to talk to about this. So I talk to myself, and if someone happens to read this and gets pissed at my decisions, sorry bro. So be it. I don't care about being judged. Fuck it. At this point, fuck it. I know it is a dangerous game. I just don't know what is next. Is it just a friendship? Sometimes it feels like that, and I am accepting it as it is, and I want to tell myself to be open if anyone else comes around. But then it feels like more than friendship, and that scares me. I would much rather know, in either direction. And act accordingly. I have a date (I think?) next Saturday, with some other doctor. I just don't know if it's a date or just dinner at a fancy steakhouse on a Saturday night... It is definitely not wise to get involved with him like how I flippantly do with others. This is a small community we have, everyone knows everyone. Even with this guy, it seems like he is in every damn circle I am involved in. He knows everyone that I know. He is making a good name for himself... maybe I am, too? We are all kinda just searching for...that. Or at least I am. I will find it, whatever it is. In the meantime, I am going to finish this glass of wine and try not to think about him. I will succeed with the former, no doubt. 11:30 p.m. - 2014-09-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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