silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Better Nothing much going on lately. Everything has been quite calm the last several days or weeks. I did have an emo moment a couple nights back over CA, but then I stop drinking, wake up, and start anew with a clear mind again. I realize that I am only hurting myself with all of this back and forth drama that all lies within me. But I will figure it out; I always do? We have hung out a decent amount lately, but it's never enough to make me think that anything wonderful will come of us. I have wishful thinking though, but that isn't a good thing at this point. Anyways, I have seen the other guy, AN, again a couple times. One time was the night before thanksgiving at a party that CA was at, too, and that was the night I lost it. So I didn't deal with either guy that night, but I apologized to AN about my weirdness, which he didn't seem to notice. I allowed him to come over the next morning as I was preparing my thanksgiving dish, as he wanted to hook up. I was hesitant to have him come over, but let it happen, which actually turned out pretty well for me sexually, because I certainly needed to get some. This time was a lot better with him than the first time, and I felt more comfortable with him. Not that I wasn't comfortable the first time, but I was not really expecting to jump in already with him when we did, but it was all good. This time I got to chat it up with him a bit more and we were able to assess each other's personalities better, too. He is a fun guy, and I believe he is not really interested in me, either, so it should work out fine for the meantime. I also realize that being with CA has made me a lot more cold and detached sexually. Well, the act is always fine, but anything leading up to it, like the flirtation and whatnot, is where I step back. AN is completely opposite in the affection department. I am used to zero affection (which is sad but completely true), and this guy wants to kiss me and touch me and hold me all the time, and it is uncomfortable. But then again, I never liked people touching me too much in the first place, so I can't put all the blame on CA. But I will put some of it on him, simply because I can. Anyways. I should go make breakfast and coffee now. 8:58 a.m. - 2016-11-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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