silver4's Diaryland Diary

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Oh, hello there

Hiiii... I’m still around. I keep wanting to write down my thoughts, but then I get frustrated, distracted, everything, whatever.
The gist of things... I’m fine. I work, work is fine. It’s kind of annoying, just because it’s super stressful and I am overdue for a break/vacation. But along those lines, I have a vacation coming up in October, but I don’t have any plans. I have a week blocked off. My team already has plans, I...I do not. I’ve been too distracted with trying to get my accounting in order, which I got mostly finished up today. Ugh. Yeah. Stupid taxes. Business taxes are due in two weeks, with the extensions. My accountant knows me by now, so he automatically files my extensions, because he knows I am a slacker. One year, I will prove him wrong.
Side note, he was married with kids. Recently got divorced like earlier this year, and asked me out to dinner some time once all this tax stuff is situated and we can both breathe. He first asked me if I was dating anyone, and I responded that I am single as always... CA? Oh, yeah. He’s still around. But we had a really bad fight/falling out a few months ago that really drew the line. It is difficult because he is essentially my best friend, and the person I would ordinarily tell everything to. At the same time, he is the person who has ultimately hurt me the most. And I don’t accept being hurt. But who cares. I processed it, it has been several months now. I have adjusted my outlook on it, i have talked about it to the point of exhaustion. I have cried, yelled, entertained higher blood pressure, gotten depressed, and gotten the eff over it. It’s all a fuckin game it seems. Anyways, our major fight went down at his house, I packed all my shit that I had there (wasn’t much, the essentials; toothbrush, extra contacts and glasses, the like) and that was the end of it. I’ve passed out I believe twice on his couch after a drunken night, but I otherwise leave regardless of the hour. I got home around 4 am the other night. He told me that I could stay, it wouldn’t be weird. I refuse. I also don’t give the kind notice of letting him know when I make it home. He made a big deal of me not asking him, so enjoy the same treatment. I’m talking about that too much though. I don’t care.

Actually, I don’t know how I feel anymore. I do care, i just don’t want to. I am on a bit of autopilot. I have my bouts of sadness and concern for my emotional future. I have that whole “dead inside” vibe. I have my moments. I cry, then i am tough again. It goes in wave. That’s life. I have been taking tennis lessons kinda over the last couple months. I’m with a new gym, been going for maybe 5-6 months now. It’s terribly pricey, but I’m fine with it. Making new friends and whatever. I chat it up quite a bit with the guy who signed up my account, who happens to also be a Tool fan like myself.

By the way, the new Tool album, we all love it, yes?!!! Love it. Bought the limited edition cd with this video thing on it..hard to describe. I love that band. They released some concert dates, but of course, nothing in Vegas. What the hell? I’ll review the dates and pick something and make a road trip out of it. I’ll go alone, which I have no problem with.

Road trips...my lovely car that I’ve had since my return from dental school... paid off, always beautifully serviced and well taken care of... yeah, I got in a car accident early August. Someone T-boned me as they didn’t see a stop sign, and totaled my car. So I have a new car and light back pain. New car, yay? New payment is what I see. It was nice not having a car payment the last couple years. I got a used 2018 Hyundai Santa Fe with low mileage. I had an Equinox before, and I like midsize suv’s. This vehicle can seat seven people. Do I ever have seven people to tow around? Do I even have any children? Nah. But, that’s my life. I enjoy the semi bigger vehicles. I had a sporty maxima (or Altima, i forget) for my rental car, and it was so low to the ground, it drove me crazy. Just what I got used to, I guess. I got $9600 back from the accident, so I guess that’s cool. Put the majority back into savings and put $2500 on my down payment, which in retrospect was pointless, but it’s fine. At least in my savings, it gets some action.

Ummm aside from that, I’m good. Had today off. Maybe I’ll see if there is a Tool concert the week of my vacation. That’s the way to do it.

I’ve had a couple drinks, so my focus is off. I’ll try to check back in sooner than a year. Like a week or so. Just have to collect my thoughts. <3

8:53 p.m. - 2019-09-02

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