silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1000000 I want to be happy and in love. I'm half ass on the happiness and nowhere near the love. I feel like any affections I have are founded on nothingness. I want to stop being the way I am, like with M. I have a false relationship. I have given him the upper hand and so he has 2 girlfriends in a way, only I am the one who is screwed and hidden. It really blows. I get no affection, ever. Yeah, whatever, I can get with JL if I want to. I don't know. My friend CH's fianc� said that he didn't understand why I am still single, because of my personality and how I interact and entertain people. I'm nice, I'm sweet, I'm easy to get along with. I'm trying to be successful. What is this all for? I wonder if there is any guilt. I feel no shame. I have no regrets. I take full responsibility for my actions. I don't feel bad. I don't feel anything at all. If anything, I am disconnected. Disconnected from reality, from morality, from causality, from everything out there that would make me a better person. It's like anyone I could possibly love or hope could possibly have a hint of affection towards me is restricted from me, withheld in some way. R isn't allowed to love me. M is getting married. And I am just plain screwed. 5:37 p.m. - 2009-07-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||